→ February 10, 2010
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NCIS: LA.

My wife enjoys both flavors of NCIS on CBS, and I find the original one pretty solid for a network TV program, so I watch along with her; if she wasn’t a fan, I doubt I’d give either a second thought. We’ve been watching NCIS: LA this season, and “watchable” is about its ceiling right now – but I think that, if the writers have any stones, they have an opportunity to turn it into something much better.

If you’ve seen the original NCIS, you know the formula: well-developed characters, lots of witty banter, incredibly simple plots where the perpetrator is always one of the first three non-regular characters you meet, and some serious fast/loose play with technology. If you’re looking for riveting stories, this isn’t it. It’s entertaining, and the writers have done a good job with the characters, but if they get CBS in the afterlife Agatha Christie scoffs for an hour every Tuesday night.

NCIS: LA follows the pattern of the clones in the Michael Keaton movie Multiplicity – it’s a copy, but the quality is below that of the original. The plots are even sillier, with higher stakes and more ridiculous resolutions, and even the show’s very premise – a secret NCIS unit in Los Angeles that, if you’re a stickler for things like accuracy, is WAY out of its jurisdiction in almost every episode – is absurd. The writers are pushing hard to flesh out the various characters, but only one (G. Callen, played by Chris O’Donnell) is at all compelling, and, amazingly enough, LL Cool J carries most of the episodes. He’s the best actor on the show after Oscar winner Linda Hunt, who is outstanding as the eccentric unit manager in a fundamentally supporting role, and the writers have wisely put his Sam with G. Callen in a “bromance” at the center of the show. The rest of the cast is bloated even after the recent elimination of Dominic, the biggest cipher. Kensey, played by Brazilian actress Daniela Ruah, serves primarily as a pair of legs and as the token female agent, while Eric, the techie, has the same cliched TV-geek’s inability to stop himself from going into excessive detail on technical subjects, something that was already hackneyed when NCIS started using it for McGee.

Despite its many flaws, NCIS: LA is the highest-rated new show of the 2009-10 season and one of the top-rated shows on network television because it has an incredible lead-in audience from NCIS and serves as an extension of the prior show. The writers and producers could, of course, rest on those laurels, let the money roll in for a few years until either it or the original NCIS runs out of gas, and move on to something else, older and perhaps a bit wealthier. But I see this as opportunity: If audiences will tune in by the millions to watch a mediocre show, why not experiment with something edgier that might not have found the same audience if it hadn’t been handed enormous ratings from the start?

The episode where Dominic was removed from the cast of characters reminded me of one of my favorite British shows, MI-5 (known as Spooks in the UK), which easily beats any network crime drama I’ve ever seen in the U.S*. MI-5 is the British equivalent of the CIA on matters of “internal” security (meaning on British soil), and the show puts the agency and its operations at the heart of the series, rather than the characters. That focus and the serious subject matter give the writers substantial latitude to break with the audience’s normal expectations for a crime drama, where main characters may be killed or otherwise eliminated with little or no notice. Even though things do usually work out in the end, they don’t always work out, and successful operations on MI-5 often come with sacrifices, costs, or casualties. As a result, the show brings a tension unlike any I’ve seen on network TV here.

*I’ve never watched Fox’s 24, because I have little or no interest in a show with a storyline that demands that I watch every week, given my travel schedule and irregular work hours, but I get the sense that that’s one show that matches MI-5 for anything-goes tension. I’m open to other suggestions, as always.

NCIS:LA almost nodded to MI-5 in the episode where Dominic departs the show, but it proved an outlier with the following episode, which brought the series to new depths of ridiculousness when Callen saves an entire mall from botulinum toxin exposure by diving to catch a bottle of the bad stuff that was thrown from two levels up … right near where he happened to be standing. And he made a shoestring catch, of course. That’s fake tension – there was no way in hell CBS was showing a mall full of people dying from botulinum toxin poisoning – whereas MI-5‘s history of less-than-happy endings provides real tension, not to mention twice the freedom for the writers to craft compelling and at least moderately realistic stories, where characters burn out, quit, get hurt, and die, and you never quite know what’s going to happen next. If NCIS: LA took that risk, which would be reasonable given the subject matter of the show, not only would it help them turn over a fringy cast of characters beyond Sam, Callen, and Linda Hunt’s Hetty, it could turn a merely watchable program into a can’t-miss one.

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→ September 12, 2008
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Runway link.

I’m not going to lie: I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is more Karalyn. (She’s the blonde, second from right … as if you noticed anyone else in the pic.)

Karalyn West is one of the models on Project Runway – the drop-dead gorgeous one, to be specific. Turns out she’s also blogging about the show, and she’s not afraid to dish a little dirt. For example, her post on that weird car-parts challenge has her dumping on two designers:

On the topic of stupid designers…. THANK THE LORD KEITH IS GONE! AGH! it’s about damn time, don’t you think? His cocky attitude was getting really old… I mean come on.. Its one thing to be cocky and talented, but cocky and UNTALENTED is another thing. …

Shannone (Kenleys Model) Left the show on her own will because the girl booked an ass-kicking (well paid) job! If you ask me, Kenley deserved it. Me no Likey Kenley, and you cant nack Shannone for going where the money is…

Outstanding. We need more Karalyn (and more skin on Project Runway).

We watched this week’s episode last night … I know sweet F.A. about fashion, but the winning dress was fugly. The model’s hips looked a mile wide; the eye was drawn directly to the freaking test pattern across her pelvis. I don’t know many women who are looking for that kind of shape in a dress.

I was fascinated to see how the judges ripped into the two designers who ultimately went home, but when it came time to criticize that weird thing Kenley made (were there turbines in the shoulders?), their words, tone, and body language all softened. Obviously, they already know who’s going home before they go through their trashing of the bad designs, but it was also clear that they liked Kenley and were disappointed in her design, whereas they could take or leave the two they sent home.

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→ April 29, 2008
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Def Leppard.

My wife has Dancing With the Stars on, and Def Leppard is performing “live” in their studios … except this is clearly the original recording of “Pour Some Sugar on Me” from Hysteria. I’m not shocked that Joe Elliott can’t hit the same high notes he could 20 years ago, but I’d be shocked if a single microphone back there was on. This is Ashlee Simpson territory – all we need is for Elliott to make some rambling, breathless apology as the show is ending. As my wife said, “If you’re not going to actually play it, why come on the show?” Good question.

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→ January 18, 2008
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Food Network.

Just came across an interesting New York Times article written last month about the change in strategy at Food Network. It starts with the surprising (to me, at least) revelation that “Emeril Live” has been cancelled, at least to the effect that they are no longer filming new episodes. I knew they’d moved it on their evening schedule – “Good Eats” is now on at 8 pm on weeknights, which is fine by me – but wasn’t aware they’d stopped filming and canned six people.

I’m pretty sure I’m in a coveted demographic for Food Network’s execs: 34 years old, highly educated, a parent, high disposable income, big spender on food and cooking items, and so on. Yet my Food Network viewership has been declining for years, even though I have worked at home since late 2001 and, of course, have a Tivo that allows me to watch whatever I want. This article confirmed for me why they’ve largely lost me as a viewer: They’re dumbing the whole thing down.

I originally watched Food Network, starting in the late ’90s, because I was learning to cook. I stumbled on “Good Eats” in late 1999 – “The Fungal Gourmet” was the episode – and I was hooked. I also watched “Emeril Live,” “The Naked Chef,” and “Molto Mario” regularly, and would usually just flip to Food Network if I was home and bored. My need for instruction has waned – even “Good Eats” is repetitive at this point – but I’d still watch for recipe ideas or little kitchen tricks if they were showing that type of programming. Instead, the nights are filled with contrived travel shows and reality series; the “Ace of Cakes” seems like a nice guy, but really, who cares about the back-room operations at a cake store? If I’m not learning, and I’m not being entertained, I’m not going to watch.

But perhaps the bigger problem is the way Food Network is going to drive away its top talent, in effect leaving them in a position where they are betting that their own brand is strong enough that they can manufacture new stars along the way. Food Network has not received any cut of the revenues its stars have received from sales of celebrity-endorsed products, such as Emeril’s Emerilware line from All-Clad. They’re now “insisting on a stake in book deals and licensing ventures, and control over outside activities” both in new contracts and in renewals with current talent, and I can see why that would lead some of the brighter stars to walk away.

When FN first launched its “Next Food Network Star” competition, a co-worker and close friend of mine with the Jays encouraged me to apply, knowing that I loved to cook and had the interesting background that typically appeals to reality shows. So I went to their site and looked at the application … which looked to me like indentured servitude. You give up everything, including your recipes, to Food Network. I like being on TV as much as anyone, but not at the cost of my soul. If that’s the devil’s bargain the Faust Network is offering, they’re not going to get the best talent coming in the door, and that means they’re not going to get the most desirable audience for their advertisers.

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