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Klawchat 12/13/19.

My latest ESPN+ post covers a few stray transactions from the winter meetings, including the Nomar Mazara trade and the Tanner Roark signing, and my latest Paste column reviews the new games I saw at PAX Unplugged.

Keith Law: Klawchat. When you gonna ring it?

Moe Mentum: Any predictions on where Odubel Herrera will be when spring training starts – or ends?
Keith Law: Not with the Phillies. I wonder if some awful team – the Tigers, the Orioles – will decide he’s worth the backlash, because he has ability and they’d probably just be able to take him off the Phils’ hands for nothing. (I wouldn’t do so, but I’m saying someone probably will.)

JK: What changed from last year to this year to spur so much more activity at Winter Meetings?
Keith Law: I don’t quite know, but I’m thrilled. The Yankees getting in heavy helped, as did the Nats winning the World Series and making a serious, immediate push to retain one of their two big FA. Mike Rizzo doesn’t hesitate when he wants a player – he signed Corbin early last year, and signed Jayson Werth once upon a time while I was between the airport and the winter meetings on day one (or zero). He also probably gave this a nudge.

Delco Debo: Based on the Cole & Rendon contracts, is it fair to say that Harper & Machado deals do not age terribly & neither team should feel buyer’s remorse (contrary to what local Philly sports radio might be spewing)? Phillies & Padres both get longer tail of players primes.
Keith Law: Neither team should have any regrets about those contracts. Sports radio takes shouldn’t dictate what anyone thinks about sports.

Josh L from Garnet Valley: In the event you’ve read, would you recommend Dune?
Keith Law: The first book is wonderful. Everything that comes after it is trash.

Tony: It feels like the Phillies are throwing away so much value by constantly moving Kingery around defensively, and now with the Gregorious signing, there’s talk he’ll be playing third instead of second. Why won’t they just put him at second and let him excel?
Keith Law: That’s also what I would do, but Segura has never played 3b anywhere in pro ball. They needed a shortstop, so they got one, and now they have two second basemen and no current third baseman. If Segura can play third, problem solved. If not, they may put Kingery at third, where his arm doesn’t play, and now we have a new problem.

Josh L from Garnet Valley: What are your favorite modern christmas songs? Feel like the Pogues Fairytale of NY is criminally underrated
Keith Law: I just heard that one for the first time the other day, as it turns out. I still say Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas” is the best new Christmas song of the last ~40 years.

Dave: Lots of rumors that Kyle Seager is on the block. Is it reasonable that Seattle can get anything useful for him, or is this just salary dump territory?
Keith Law: About $40 million left for two years, probably projects to 4-5 total wins in that period. If they chip in a little cash, I think they could get real value back.

Mike: Is it reasonable to think Andrew Vaughn’s ceiling is Freddie Freeman?
Keith Law: I don’t think that’s the shape of Vaughn’s production if he hits his ceiling.

Deke: If you’re the Rangers, is it Donaldson or bust now? What do you do with the rest of this offseason?
Keith Law: He’s an ideal fit, but does it have to be him or nothing else? What about upgrading other spots, like second base?

Julio Rodriguez: Where do I rank as a prospect out of these options? Top-5, top-10, top-20, top-50, or top 100 prospect?
Keith Law: I won’t publish prospect rankings until probably the start of February, and I’m not going to spoil them now.

JR: You mentioned the Porcello signing for the Mets in your recent recap, but not Wacha. Guessing you view it same as me – decent depth move at a reasonable price with the hope he bounces back, but easy to cut him if he’s done.
Keith Law: Wacha came after I wrote that, I think. He’s also missed chunks of two straight seasons and last year was a disaster. Bit of a flier, low cost for them. Not a bad gamble.

Greg P: KLaw – any of the Rule 5 picks going to amount to anything or is it just a waste of time?
Keith Law: I wrote up the two picks I liked in the column linked at the top of this post. The rule 5 draft remains largely a waste of time.

Kyle KS: How do you treat Hyun-jin Ryu in free agency if you’re running a team? Plan on 25 starts a year out of a really good pitcher and anything over is just bonus?
Keith Law: Maybe put him on the peak Pedro plan, where he’s getting an extra day of rest every time the schedule permits it, maybe skipping a start here or there, to try to get 150-160 great innings and have him in October.

Sam: What was the difference between this year and the last few where things seemed to return to normal on the free agency market and not waiting until spring training for many of the top tier guys to sign?
Keith Law: One other hypothesis: Boras had the top 3 free agents, plus a few other major ones. It wasn’t Boras vs Lozano, like last year. Maybe one agent controlling the top end of the market made a difference.

Alex: The Giants effectively purchased a first round pick for $12M. What are your thoughts on the strategy and do you think teams will do this more? Do you think MLB has an issue with this because one of the argument against trading draft picks was they will be sold to the high market teams?
Keith Law: I think MLB has an issue with it because it reveals how badly first-round picks are underpaid.

Ben: What comes to mind when you hear “Baz Luhrmann + Master and Marg”?
Keith Law: I said to someone else on Twitter that I take hope in the fact that every previously reported adaptation of TM&M has failed to come to fruition.

Stanyon Turtze: Do you have a gut feeling as to how much (if any) correction there will be to the HR rates & distance in the coming season?
Keith Law: No, not at all. You can’t without knowing what the baseballs will be like this year.

Eric: am i being hyperbolic in thinking the end of the republic is near? one side, for the last 10 years, has broken every rule and norm and gaslights the country on a daily basis, while the other just tries to play nice and get stomped over on the reg. i think we’re at the point where “rules” and “norms” in government aren’t upholdable anymore.
Keith Law: If Trump wins re-election next November, I’d feel that way.

Debra: Do you still project Deivi Garcia to start? Or does the future reside in the bullpen? Still a top 50 prospect in your estimation?
Keith Law: Nothing has changed since I ranked him top 50 in July. He’s small, but I think he has the stuff to start.

Jeff: Dodgers linked to Lindor & Clevinger a lot recently, what would be a fair exchange for both sides in your opinion?
Keith Law: Depends on whether Seager is in the deal, but I think the Dodgers would have to put Keibert Ruiz, one of Josiah Gray/Tony Gonsolin, and Jeter Downs in such a trade. Cleveland shouldn’t sell those two guys for less than a home run package and I think that would be one.

Dylan: Going to Denver-area in May for a show at Red Rocks. Rockies are out of town, but any other recommendations for cool things to do/see/experience/eat in the area? Preferably low/middle budget.
Keith Law: (Nate Dogg voice) Smoke weed every day.
Keith Law: Also, i can’t recommend things to do in Denver unless I know if you’re dead.

Tom: Hey Keith, right before the Bundy trade, I saw posts from multiple people about how the O’s completely mishandled him. Do you agree, and where do you think they went wrong? Converting him to a starter in mid-2016 after he’d missed 3 years with injuries?
Keith Law: I have been banging that drum for at least four years now.

Trevor: What type of package would it take for the Reds to acquire Mookie Betts? It seems that they are trying to go all-in this year and that would be the ultimate all-in move. Does it start with Lodolo? Hunter Greene?
Keith Law: They no longer have the pieces to get it done. They squandered them to get Alex Wood and Yasiel Puig and Trevor Bauer.

Jeff: Klaw, do you think that the Central is there for the taking for a team like Cincinnati? Generally speaking (without knowing the cost), would they be best served by adding another bat like Ozuna/Castellanos, or an arm like Bumgarner/Ryu? Thanks for all that you do.
Keith Law: I don’t think they’re close enough to St. Louis or Milwaukee right now. If they would go pay for one of those starters, that might change the equation for me.

Adam: Fan reaction to the Padres’ trading of Buddy Reed made it apparent that he was one of the most overrated prospects in the farm system. Inversely, which prospect in the Padres’ system do you think the organization values much higher than the rest of the industry?
Keith Law: Who overrated him? I’ve always maintained that he can’t hit, back to when he was at Florida. You can’t watch him swing and think that’s going to work. He was just kind of famous.

Pat D: What’s worse, the ghiblis or the jibblies? (Or the jibblie jibblies?)
Keith Law: The number of people who’d get both ends of that joke (this is about something I tweeted today) is pretty small, but I’m sure I’d be friends with them all.

Jim: Pretty underwhelming first couple of additions to the Chaim Bloom era, no? Any thoughts on the two signings?
Keith Law: Underwhelming? What did you expect them to do? They had no place for Rendon, and it was clear ownership wouldn’t open up the wallet for Cole or Strasburg.

Brendan: Any idea why no one from the MLBPA (or a top free agent they’d be interested in signing) hasn’t challenged the Yankees facial hair rule?
Keith Law: I’ve wondered that myself. It’s such petty bullshit, and would never pass a challenge by a player who grew his beard for his religion (e.g., some Sunni Muslims or observant Jews).

Anthony: Jeter seems like a lock, but since it’s HoF season, what are your thoughts on Abreu, the other good first-year player? He reached 60 WAR & could still be a 5% candidate.
Keith Law: He’s kind of behind Rolen for me in the category of players the writers as a whole will likely undervalue … but Abreu is borderline for me too. As of right now, he’s off my ballot, and that’s even with an open spot.

Anthony: Reports in Milwaukee that the team lost money due to the high payroll despite solid attendance figures. Is this actually possible in this day and age or just media spin to get fans on board with shedding salary for a tear down?
Keith Law: (wanking motion)

Jacoby: Is MLB worried that the Astros sign-stealing mess is just a donut hole in the middle of a donut that’s actually inside of another donut hole in the middle of an even bigger donut?
Keith Law: Nicely played. My gut feeling on this is that they’re dragging out the investigation to try to figure out who the highest-profile figure is they can suspend (or worse) for this.

Max: What are your main reasons for why this Mariners rebuild looks promising thus far?
Keith Law: Objection. Leading the chat answerer.

Matt: Were you surprised that the Angels basically took the offer they made to Cole and just gave it Rendon? I would have guessed any offer to the latter would have been somewhat lower.
Keith Law: Is it? I thought they offered Cole more, but I could be wrong.

SPORTS RADIO: WE DEFINITELY SHOULD DICTATE WHAT EVERYONE THINKS! REMEMBER THAT RYAN HOWARD IS THE PRE-EMINENT POWER HITTER OF OUR TIME, KEITH!
Keith Law: He’ll never, ever admit he was wrong.

Andrew V: Have you or are you planning to read Catch and Kill?
Keith Law: Nope.

MikeM: Where does Betances end up and can he be as effective as he was before all the injuries?
Keith Law: Again, I can’t do much with health questions.

Jason: Would it be wise for the brewers to trade Hader? Or is it dumb to trade a guy who is that dominant with 4 years left of control?
Keith Law: Absolutely I would trade him, because the odds of him staying healthy and this good for four more years, based on the history of relief pitchers, are somewhere south of 10%.

Brandon J.: Probably rightfully so, the Dodgers have made it known that they do not plan to move Lux and or May. But if a Cleveland deal involving Lindor and Clevenger was in the works, should they deal these two plus additional prospects?
Keith Law: See above – and notice that I also excluded Lux and May.

Scott: I read your top music of the year column. I am curious as to where you find your music? I have Sirius and listen to a variety of stations but even then I had not heard of several of them.
Keith Law: All over the place. There is no one place. I ‘try’ a lot of stuff, too, because there’s just so much new music out there.

Aaron: Ashamed to admit I only learned about Jen Mac Ramos’ work after hearing about that tragic car accident. While reading the outpouring of love from you and others, I was genuinely curious if you (or a reader) could point me to some material that would help me better understand – in general – preferred/appropriate pronoun usage?
Keith Law: GLSEN has a good, short resource (PDF) on the topic.
Keith Law: By the way, if it bothers you (not you, Aaron, the general you) to have someone else tell you their pronouns, you should probably have a long talk with yourself about why.

Mike: Was Paying $12 million to obtain Will Wilson a wise use of resources?
Keith Law: Of course.

Paul: Does Mazara still have any mystery to him?
Keith Law: He’s 24, so you can’t give up on him, but his approach hasn’t changed in four years now – even though the Rangers worked extensively with him on it.

James Beard: Do you watch any cooking shows? What about home reno shows?
Keith Law: Right now, just GBBO. Home reno shows tend to bore me.

Jake: I’ve always wanted to read Dune, but the big-budget movie is probably my most anticipated film of 2020 (Villanueve is a genius), and now I have the age-old question: book first or movie first?
Keith Law: I always read the book first if I can.
Keith Law: I read David Copperfield in September because Iannucci’s film version is coming out … eventually?

Brian: Assuming Kieboom is probably going to be the 2nd or 3rd baseman for Washington, should they be targeting the best guy regardless of position for the other spot?
Keith Law: Yes, absolutely. I also want them to settle on a single position for Kieboom, so they don’t Kingery him.

Michael: What did you eat in SD?
Keith Law: All the things. Mission, Bird Rock, Juniper & Ivy, Crack Shack, Rovino Foodery, Herb & Wood.

The Vandy man can: Where does David Price end up? What kind of return can the sox expect?
Keith Law: Feels like no trade is most likely. Will he pass a physical/review of his records even if someone agrees to take his contract?

Matt: Are the Cubs putting Bryant on the trade block solely for financial reasons? Or are there actual baseball reasons to trade him for pitching?
Keith Law: My guess is it’s 90% money, 10% baseball.

Kevin: Martin Perez for 6.5 million seems awfully high for a team trying to shed payroll. Does this move seem to indicate that the Red Sox feel confident in trading either Eovoldi or Price?
Keith Law: Or they see something they like that they believe they can fix.

Dan: How did the Ricketts get so, so poor? Poor Ricketts…
Keith Law: They gave it all to the GOP.

James: What’s your take on WIl WIlson, and the Giants Angels trade in general?
Keith Law: See my post on ESPN.com.

Snowy: Sitting in the cue for TOOL tickets, I remember reading that you weren’t a fan which kind of surprised me given some of your other musical tastes. Any particular reason or just not your thing?
Keith Law: I mean, I don’t like their music … not sure how else to describe it. It’s boring.

Orwell: How can so many people avoid the truth? What kind of grip does Putin have on our country?
Keith Law: I never thought I’d see this kind of cultlike devotion to a party or a politician, particularly ones that, in this case, have dedicated themselves to unrolling decades of progress in freedom, equality, or environmental protections. People who live in areas adversely affected by rollbacks in environmental laws continue to profess their intentions to vote red. It’s the most effective mass gaslighting campaign I can think of.

Scotty D from Downingtown: What is more probable – an existing team relocating to Montreal or an expansion team being allocated there?
Keith Law: Neither, in my opinion. MLB isn’t keen to revisit a market where they failed once.

Ghost of Josey Wales: Rangers fans and media are hotly debating whether the Rangers’ reported 6 year, $200M offer to Anthony Rendon, with a 7th year vesting option, was a legitimate effort to try to land Rendon, or just the team going through the motions by making an offer they knew would be rejected so the team could say they tried. What say you?
Keith Law: Obviously legitimate.

Jason: What are your thoughts on the Josh Lindblom signing? Can he have success in MLB?
Keith Law: Yes, as a reliever. Fastball/cutter guy, pitches up a lot, don’t see him turning a lineup over with that pitch combo.

Colin: I’m still skeptical about analytics, i feel a bunch of Ivy League guys figured out a way to scramble statistics in a way to push out longtime baseball guys, and that’s not cool. Can you tell me why i should take WAR seriously?
Keith Law: As an Ivy League guy myself, I think you should probably stop talking out of your ass about “Ivy League guys.” It’s embarrassing.

Dr. Bob: It seems to me that the length of years on a contract is almost meaningless as is AAV. Since contracts are fully guaranteed, then what counts is how many points of WAR a team projects a player to give them over the life of the contract. If the total dollars divided by their decision as to how much dollars per WAR represents value is close, then you have a good contract.
Keith Law: The AAV matters for the salary cap – er, luxury tax. The length of contract matters for individual team budgets, because it might affect the owners’ willingness to pay for additional players at some point in the future.

Bob Pollard: Putting aside how great he is, does nine years for Cole give you any pause at all?
Keith Law: Yes, I outlined why in my reaction post. You can’t project any pitcher out that far.

Tyler: Given the young up-and-coming pieces in the A’s rotation and the fact that they overperformed the last two years, do you think there is any chance they push the Astros this year?
Keith Law: More likely they regress. Division will be tougher as well.

Jason: What do you think now that the 3 batter rule is in effect? Ruins some strategy or will be largely inconsequential?
Keith Law: Eliminates one-batter strategies, and I’m fine with that. I hate mid-inning pitching changes, just speaking as a fan.

Matt: I know this is a few years late, but you recently mentioned how Malcolm Gladwell’s Joe Paterno ideas are disgusting (and I agree). It did remind me, though, that I haven’t read Joe Posnanski in years because of his book on the subject. Is that too harsh? As a journalist, was Posnanski in an impossible situation?
Keith Law: I am friends with Joe and probably not in a good position to answer, but I will say that because he was already mid-project when that story exploded, he had no clear way out of or around it. You can’t just up and deliver a different book than the one you signed a contract to deliver.

silvpak: with treinen and (potentially) betances, am i crazy in thinking the dodgers don’t actually need to do anything? madbum on a decent deal would be a good fit (and the compedy value alone with sfg is worth it), but the offense is pretty set (even a bit overstuffed on the roster side) and i’d be perfectly happy letting gonsolin/urias/stripling/may/santana duke it out for slots 4/5/6 in the rotation (after buehler/kershaw/maeda). maybe hill back on a pillow/rehab contract, but other than that i think they’re better suited waiting it out.
Keith Law: I agree. Starting depth would always help, because so many of their guys have injury histories, and if they can go get a superstar like Lindor they should just do it. But they’re the favorites in the division right now.

Max: JA Happ was highly touted in the trade for Halladay. Has he lived up to the hype surrounding him from that time?
Keith Law: Happ was never traded for Halladay.

Federico: What are your feelings on the Nats effectively choosing Stras over Rendon? Is there a route back to high level contention for them if they can’t manage to get a Donaldson/Bryant level replacement?
Keith Law: I think they knew Strasburg wanted to re-sign and chose that route rather than the uncertainy of Rendon. Rendon’s the better player, obviously.

Ben: Do you think Brandon Marsh would be a realistic get for the Tigers, if they were to send Boyd to LAA? Do you see Marsh as more a solid regular or is there some more upside?
Keith Law: Solid regular with upside is about right.
Keith Law: I’d like that trade for both sides, by the way.

Matt: Why are so many old white dudes angry at a 16 year old child that wants to *checks notes* make the world a better place?
Keith Law: Because she’s interfering with their profits, and perhaps their errant belief that we will always be bailed out of our own mistakes.

Tim: Do you think Milwaukee is actually looking to trade Hader or is this just let’s put his name out there and if someone blows us away we will trade him.
Keith Law: The difference is semantic, no? If they put him out there, they’re at least willing to trade him.

Jason: Would you go to four years on Josh Donaldson?
Keith Law: I would not.

Richard: Lots of worry in Toronto about scouting director Steve Sanders leaving -although the team is saying having your mentor Lacava around will help in the transition. Is losing one guy that crucial ? Will they replace internally?
Keith Law: They have been model-heavy in their draft, and that tends to last beyond a single director. I agree with them that having Lacava around will help as well.

Trevor: Braves have a lot of FA/trade options being rumored around for 3B. Has everyone given up on Riley after a strikeout prone 2nd half at age 22 all while trying to play a new position at the highest level?
Keith Law: Well, trying to play a far easier position, and he was strikeout prone for a reason. There’s enough cause for concern about his production in 2020 to justify the team looking elsewhere.

Guest: I know you are high on Luis Urias, but is it possible that he fell in love with the long ball (esp AAA) that killed his OBP bona fides?
Keith Law: That is almost certainly what happened.

Ben: If things all break right, what is a good comp for Issac Parades? I’ve seen Jhony Peralta mentioned a few times in the past, but maybe that needs to be updated because the Tigers seem to have given up on having him as rotund SS
Keith Law: Paredes has zero chance to play short. He wasn’t good when I saw him at third in the summer. He can definitely hit, and has real doubles power, but I see zero projection there and I think this is kind of what he is – high average, doubles, not many Ks, mediocre D at third.

Ray: The latest rumor reported by the NYT is that Trump might skip the debates in 2020, citing an “unfair process”. Two things: One, I actually predicted this like a year ago, so kudos to me if it happens I guess. Two, god damnit his base would love that wouldn’t they? Probably a shrewd move by him.
Keith Law: Yes, and he can probably only lose support by going up against someone like Warren – and I would guess any Democratic candidate will be better prepared to spar with him this time around.

Andrew V: What round in the draft does the first player you’ve never heard of usually get drafted?
Keith Law: It’s been as high as the first round (Hayden Simpson – I had one note on him from the spring, and didn’t remember it at all when he was taken) but it’s usually the third or fourth.

Chuck: Denver: Drink at Falling Rock Tap House, one of the great craft-beer bars in the U.S. Visit Tattered Cover bookstore.
Keith Law: Heard great things about the Tattered Cover. Also I hear Sushi Den is the place to go for sushi.

Eric: I wanted to hire Jen Mac Ramos at a previous job. What a talent and what a great person. I hope the recovery goes well; I cannot imagine the hell it must be.
Keith Law: Indeed, it will be a very long road but I think I speak for all of us in the online baseball community when I say we are behind them 100%.

TJ: If the reports are true that Wheeler didn’t actually take the highest offer, how often does something like that happen with a high profile free agent? Does the MLBPA have an issue with things like that?
Keith Law: Highest reported offer isn’t always the most money. Local taxes come into play, for one thing.

Ray: Don’t you love the assholes online that mock people for things such as announcing their pronouns, and then demand that they educate them on why it matters? Like, if you really wanted to learn, go out and read about it, Sparky. You’ve already told on yourself by telling me it’s MY job to teach you.
Keith Law: I had someone pull that shit on me two weeks ago … saying I was “pandering” by listing my pronouns. Buddy, if eight characters in my bio (which you should never see unless you go to my profile page – it’s not on my tweets) bother you that much, YOU have a problem.

Casey: Do you have any venison recipes?
Keith Law: I do not eat any red meat other than pork.

Tim: Does Bryant win his grievance which was blatantly obvious to anyone at the time. How could a trade be completed without knowing how much control the acquiring team has?
Keith Law: I don’t think he wins because I don’t see what evidence he could use to support the contention that the Cubs held him down solely to manipulate his service time. You and I know it’s true, but how do you prove that?

Matthew F: I play fantasy baseball with with many great owners from all over the world and its great to see MLB heading back to London again in 2020. Have you heard if MLB wants to expose baseball in other markets worldwide?
Keith Law: I have, but I don’t think anything is locked in yet.

Casey: Is Elehuris a candidate for your top 100 again? Just looking at the stats it seems like he took a step back this year?
Keith Law: Look at the stats and where they came. They jumped him two levels (why?) and he wasn’t ready, plus he missed more than half the year with injury. It’s a lost season but I wouldn’t say he regressed.

Monica Lewinsky: Can we impeach Mitch McConnell???
Keith Law: Matt Bevin just pardoned a man convicted of beheading his wife. Maybe we should ask the voters of Kentucky what they’ve been thinking.

Mark: Just made my first Blueberry pie. I was thinking afterwards it might have come out better if I had cooked the fruit before filling the pie. What say you ?
Keith Law: No, you may have needed more starch to thicken it.

Eric: Just how disgusted are you at the Jonah Keri situation. I hope his family is safe, and that they don;’t have to deal with those monstrous allegations anymore.
Keith Law: It’s beyond words. I wasn’t friends with Jonah, but even knowing I worked alongside him at times makes my skin crawl. Also, why does the court keep releasing him on these trivial bonds, even after he contacted the victim in violation of a court order? How many charges does it take to at least require him to pay more in bail?

Ben: Assuming that ownership signs off on the extra money (a big if), Oakland should absolutely jump on Jed Lowrie just for getting Dom Smith, am I right? Dom Smith seems undervalued to me.
Keith Law: Not sure he’s a good fit for Oakland with Olson there, but I agree that some team should pounce on that. Smith could be someone’s regular at 1b. Maybe Baltimore?

Anon: Hey Keith. I think I’ve needed treatment for a while; I don’t sleep or eat well, I’m extremely irritable and moody, and I have constant plaguing thoughts about my state of mind and future. But the issue is I don’t know what kind of professional I should seek. Psychologist? Therapist? …psychotherapist? Any insight would help. Thank you.
Keith Law: You could start with your primary care doctor – that’s how I started after I had that panic attack while driving. She helped me figure out what treatment I needed.

Ridley: With Brexit looking inevitable and Scoex…Scexi…Scotland leaving the UK looking likely, I’m seriously considering it as a landing place. Have you ever been to Scotland? Any thoughts on it as a place to live?
Keith Law: I worry about my inability to communicate with the locals.

Kevin : Where do you expect Ronny Mauricio to begin his 2020? And do you think he sticks at short?
Keith Law: Definitely sticks at short. Probably starts in high-A.

Steve : I know its not the popular decision but doesnt it make sense to consolidate the amount of minor league teams??
Keith Law: Yes. Note that the minors themselves have no problems moving teams around – 80+ relocations since 1990 – but when MLB suggests it, it’s like they’re pissing on the flag. Many of those markets can’t support baseball, or don’t have the facilities needed. Meanwhile, you have amazing spots like Aberdeen only used about half of the season when they could and should be in a higher classification. We could debate one or two specific locations, but the majority of those on the public list need to go.
Keith Law: Also, you can’t say in one breath that you want minor leaguers to be paid more, and then object to a plan that would result in better working conditions for players.

Mick: I read Vandy Austin Martin will get a shot at short. Can he hold that position all the way to the majors?
Keith Law: I’d like to see it. He was ++ at third when I last saw him.

Van Skike: I never saw your thoughts on the new Beck album… I was disappointed
Keith Law: I was too.

Mark: How could the Veterans committee have blown it so badly with Lou Whitaker?
Keith Law: Call me when the Hall manages to find a writer or executive of color for one of their committees.

Ray: Did you see this female reporter who got her butt smacked by a man while she was on air? The insane thing to me is once the guy was identified, there was a very vocal minority online yelling “Leave him alone – he has kids!” I mean, what in the actual F?
Keith Law: Yeah, and he claimed he didn’t know where he was hitting her. He should be charged with assault. Fuck every man who thinks that is okay.

Rahn: If you’re Ben Cherington, who gets moved out in your plan to improve the Pirates?
Keith Law: I’d shop Marte immediately.
Keith Law: Take offers on relievers and even on Archer, see if someone else is willing to pay to try to rebuild him.

Jason: Is Mauricio dubon a major league starter
Keith Law: I think so.

Yinka Double Dare: In Wheeler’s specific case, even considering the local taxes he took less money – Illinois income tax is currently under 5%, income tax for Philly is about 7% incl. the state and local income taxes
Keith Law: I wasn’t saying that was the issue with Wheeler – I cited taxes as one possible explanation. Maybe Chicago’s offer was more backloaded. Maybe it included option years and they were factoring in buyouts. Rejected offers are never fully made public.
Keith Law: That’s all for this week, and I believe that’ll be all for Klawchats in 2019. Thank you all for reading, and for all of your questions. I’ll be posting frequently to the dish in the next week, and reacting to any major signings or trades in the same time period, so keep an eye out for those. Happy holidays!

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Top 15 albums of 2019.

I’ve given up on my gimmick of trying to match the length of this list to the last two digits of the year, which of course made assembling the list harder each year, and I’d rather keep the list organic – these are the albums I really liked from 2019, period. I think it was a down year for music overall, and my top 100 songs of the year will reflect that too, but there were still fifteen albums I liked and went back to repeatedly, with the top two albums standing up against those from any year.

Previous years’ album rankings: 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013.

15. Crows – Silver Tongues. Signed to the new label under punk band IDLES, Crows are two generations removed from punk’s heyday, with sludgy post-hardcore that sounds like a mad scientist crossed Thrice with Drenge. The best tracks include “Wednesday’s Child,” the closest thing to a single on this album; the droning crusher “Hang Me High;” and the bottom-heavy title track that opens the album.

14. Town Portal – Of Violence. Progressive, technical, entirely instrumental metal, with offbeat, intricate guitar work that I thought might be played on a Chapman stick (it’s not). It’s one of two records on this list that subvert typical standards of rock song rhythms and song structures.

13. Temples – Hot Motion. What a great opening troika of songs for this psycheledic trip – the title track, “You’re Either On Something,” and “Holy Horses,” the last of which features one of my favorite guitar riffs of the entire year. The album travels within a narrow path of that late ’60s and early ’70s subgenre of rock, but that kind of music has proven timeless and Temples’ version of it is suffused with good hooks.

12. Wheel – Moving Backwards. Bottom-heavy progressive metal from Finland, with an English vocalist, that features tight radio-friendly singles like “Vultures” and nine- to ten-minute opuses like the title track or “Tyrant,” all of which revolve around giant, crunchy guitar riffs on a foundation of strong bass lines and big percussion.

11. The Amazons – Future Dust. I wanted the Amazons to make more music like “Black Magic,” built around their obvious talent for crafting huge guitar riffs, and they’ve done so with this second album, which has more uptempo songs and lots of muscular guitar work. The best tracks include “Mother,” “Doubt It,” and “End of Wonder.”

10. Foals – Everything Not Saved Will Be Lost, Part 2. Better than Part 1, released six months earlier, the second half of Foals’ diptych is heavier and more consistent throughout, with some of the best grooves they’ve ever laid down. Standouts include “The Runner,” “Like Lightning,” and “Black Bull.” The ten-minute closer “Neptune” is interesting as well, if a bit indulgent.

9. Alcest – Spiritual Instinct. Death metal-shoegaze isn’t really a blend you’d anticipate, but Alcest pioneered it, and for their second straight album (after 2016’s Kodama) they’ve delivered a record of long, thoughtful, intense metal tracks, occasionally punctuated by blast beats and screamed vocals, but with plenty of clean singing and easily discerned melodies.

8. Ten Fé – Future Perfect, Present Tense. Ten Fé’s second album in two years is full of more soft-rock gold, including this song, “Won’t Happen,” “Echo Park,” “Here Again,” “Not Tonight,” and the ballad “To Lie Here is Enough.” The general sound would have fit in on AM radio stations in the 1970s, and they seem like spiritual descendants of 10cc, which blended artsier musical ambitions with enough soft-rock elements to make it on the radio, but Ten Fé manage to do this without sounding anachronistic while working in a slew of great melodies.

7. Hatchie – Keepsake. I liked some of her earlier singles (“Sure” and “Sleep” were both on her Sugar and Spice EP last year) better than what’s on this debut album, but it still includes a number of shimmering ’90s dream-pop tracks that remind me of the best of Lush and other female-fronted Britpop acts that borrowed or just emigrated from Shoegaze. I wish her voice were stronger, but she mostly stays within her range. Standouts include “Obsessed,” “Stay With Me,” and “Without a Blush.”

6. YONAKA – Don’t Wait Til Tomorrow. The Brighton quartet’s debut album doesn’t include either of their best singles from the last two years, “Wouldn’t Wanna Be Ya” or “Teach Me to Fight,” but is still full of great tracks and builds on themes of toxic relationships in Theresa Jarvis’ vocals. Standouts include the sultry “Creature,” the poppy “Rockstar,” the syncopated opener “Bad Company,” and the danceable “Fired Up,” but all of the tracks rely on Jarvis’ tremendous presence and smoky voice.

5. FKA Twigs – MAGDALENE. A whisper of an album, just nine tracks and 39 minutes long, and uneven in a few spots, although I’d say that’s unsurprising given FKA Twigs’ experimental style. Standouts include “sad day,” mournful closer “cellophane,” and her surprising collaboration with Future, “holy terrain.”

4. whenyoung – Reasons to Dream. A stunning debut album from this Irish trio that incorporates shoefgaze and dream pop to back lead singer Aoife Power’s potent vocals, eerily reminiscent of Dolores O’Riordan but with more range. The album starts with a strong quartet of songs in “Pretty Pure,” “Never Let Go,” standout single “The Others,” and “A Labour of Love,” and never lags, peaking again with “In My Dreams” and with the gorgeous closer “Something Sweet,” which is indeed a confection but builds towards a big finish.

3. black midi – Schlagenheim. Schlagenheim is unlike anything I’ve ever heard before. It is dense, intellectual, and challenging, often asking you to rethink the basic tenets of melody and rhythm that have been part of rock music since its inception. It’s also pretentious and at multiple points seems to dare you to skip to the next song, especially with Geordie Greep’s weird intonations and sudden dives into extreme-metal screaming. The album doesn’t include their strong lead-up singles “Talking Heads” or “Crow’s Perch,” which would actually be its most accessible songs if they’d made the record. “Reggae” was my compromise choice for the playlist, because it shows off their tonal oddities and still adheres a little to some rock conventions. The closer “Ducter” has some of the album’s highest points, as does the eight-minute “Western,” but they are endurance tests as well. “Near DT, MI” is a two-minute burst of ideas, but you have to get past Greep screaming at you – and his lyrics typically make little sense. “Speedway” could be a better introduction to what black midi, named after an obscure form of music that can only be played by computers because there are so many notes that sheet music for the songs would appear smudged with black ink, are trying to express through dissonant chords and polyrhythmic drumming. It’s the most interesting and bold album of the year.

2. Michael Kiwanuka – KIWANUKA. The Guardian called this one of the best albums of the decade; I might not quite go that far, but it’s tremendous and grows on me the more I listen to it. His previous album, 2016’s Love and Hate, was nominated for the Mercury Prize and got some airplay here on “adult alternative” stations, which … okay I have no idea what that means or why he’d fit there. There are elements of funk, classic soul, even some psychedelic rock, and his voice sounds a bit like Jimi Hendrix’s in pitch but with more depth. Standout tracks include “Rolling,” “You Ain’t The Problem,” “Hero,” and “Final Days.”

1. Ceremony – In the Spirit World Now. The best new wave album in 35 years, Ceremony’s latest perfectly spans the gap between the most iconic post-punk albums (Gang of Four’s Entertainment!, Wire’s Chairs Missing) and the initial influx of new wave bands that introduced more synthesizers into their sound, like Siouxsie and the Banshees and Joy Division. You can hear Ceremony’s punk roots throughout the album, but this is an overtly accessible album, full of tracks that would have been mainstays on college radio in 1981. The title track, “Turn Away the Bad Thing,” the rousing “Further I Was,” “Say Goodbye to Them,” the almost-punk “We Can Be Free,” the guitar-driven “Years of Love” are all worthy, and other than “Presaging the End” there isn’t a letdown on the 11-song, 32-minute album.

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→ December 11, 2019
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Three new games for kids.

I occasionally get games from publishers that are beyond what I typically play and review – my focus for Paste is strategy games, and if you include social deduction games in that, you’ve got just about everything I play, too. I don’t do RPGs, for example (cough-Gloomhaven-cough), and I don’t play the straight party games that often show up in my mailbox. I do, however, find myself playing a few more games that are aimed just at younger kids lately, and have three I can recommend if you’re looking for gifts for the little ones. These are games you’d never play except with young kids.

Friends of a Feather, from Ravensburger, is aimed at the youngest players – ages 3 and up – and has incredibly simple rules and goals. Each player gets a bird (which looks a bit like a table tennis paddle) and will try to gather feathers in their own matching color, taking them one at a time from the nest in the center or trading in two at a time for a matching pair. There are four colors plus “rainbow” feathers that are wild, although I have found kids like those so much they may try to gather those above all else. I played this with a smart three-year-old and she had no problem understanding the rules or the goal, and kept showing off her panoply of feathers.

Friends of a Feather.

The Furglars, from Bananagrams, is a dice-rolling game with a very light dice-drafting mechanic. The dice have four different symbols on their six sides: the furglar monster symbols, locks, hands (for picking locks and stealing dice), or blanks. On your turn, you roll all of the dice that aren’t stored as furglars on someone’s card, and then choose which dice to keep. You can buy point cards with furglars, spending 1/2/3/4 dice for 1/2/4/7 points, or you can keep up to 3 furglars, and may protect any of them with locks, one die with a lock showing per furglar die. You can also use one hand die to steal an unprotected furglar from an opponent, or to pick and remove a lock protecting someone else’s furglar. The point goal to win the game varies with player count but it’s 15 for four players, which really doesn’t take very long. The only rule that is a bit tricky for younger players involves how the locks work: You need one per furglar you’re protecting, but on their next turn, they keep the furglar dice but must re-roll the locks.

Catlantis, also from Ravensburger and designed by the Prospero Hall collective (Villainous, Kero), is a silly card-matching game listed for players 8 and up but really playable with younger kids, at least down to age 6. The deck mostly comprises cards that show these Dr. Moreau-level cat/mermaid hybrids, with five cats and five mermaid tails mixed up in all 25 potential combinations. At the start of the game, each player is randomly assigned a cat and a tail and must try to collect as many cards as possible that match those. The gimmick here is how you get cards: There is a rolling market of four cards at all times, and on your turn, you pick any two of those cards and offer them to an opponent, who must pick one, leaving you with the other one. A full round involves each player making such offers to all opponents, after which the round resets. The deck also has three types of treasure cards, which become more valuable the more you collect a specific treasure; and a few cards worth straight points. That card-drafting mechanic is a little weird and certainly not intuitive, especially in the sense of knowing what cards to pick so that your opponent takes the one you don’t want and leaves you with the one you do, but the kids with whom I’ve played this like the silly art and theme. Younger players may need reminders to check their cat and tail cards to ensure they keep matching the correct ones. My one issue with the game is its length – we have always had to cut the game short rather than complete the entire deck because someone, and not always one of the kids playing, started to lose interest.

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→ December 10, 2019
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Marriage Story.

Noah Baumback’s Marriage Story, now streaming on Netflix, landed six nominations yesterday for the Golden Globe Awards for Male Filmmakers, including Best Motion Picture and Best Screenplay, although it didn’t get a nod for Best Director. It’s a bit puzzling given how weak the film is in most aspects, with thinly-drawn characters, a story that actually isn’t all that interesting, and a stunning lack of self-awareness about how one-percenty this story is.

This isn’t a marriage story, but a divorce story. Charlie (Adam Driver, nominated for Best Actor) and Nicole (Scarlett Johanssen, also nominated) are splitting up, although she’s the more adamant of the two and eventually is the one who takes the firm steps to move from separation to divorce. He’s a somewhat successful playwright in New York and she is his muse and lead actress, but when she gets a part on a pilot in LA, she leaves and takes their eight-year-old son with her, which Charlie seems to think is temporary but Nicole intends to be permanent. Their trouble communicating, highlighted in the first of many caricatures with their incompetent mediator (who is playing couples counselor, not like an actual mediator), eventually leads Nicole to hire a strong attorney (Laura Dern, nominated for Best Supporting Actress and deserving) and to surprise Adam with divorce papers, after which the process becomes more contentious and further details of their marriage start to spill out.

The entire story is smug from start to finish, full of knowing nods to life in New York and LA. (Really, the tea and biscotti sequence was so cringeworthy.) There’s a lot of arguing about how they don’t really have any assets to divide, even though these are two hilariously privileged people. Nicole refers to Charlie as a narcissist and she’s not entirely wrong; for most of the movie, really up until he realizes that he might lose custody entirely, he’s wrapped up in himself, and comes off that way in Nicole’s retelling of their marriage and courtship, then again near the end when he’s telling his actors about mundane details of divorced life. I could have done without Driver’s weird karaoke thing towards the finish as well. What might have been interesting about their dying relationship is how the two of them are unable to hear each other, especially Charlie’s inability or unwillingness to hear Nicole and see her as an equal with agency and goals beyond his, but the script barely explores that at all, and eventually careens into two big arguments, one on the phone that introduces an element to the divorce that makes you turn completely on Charlie (with reason), and then a blowout argument in his apartment that rather confirms that he’s an asshole and ends in utterly unbelievable fashion.

Most of the side characters are painfully one-dimensional, starting with Henry, who is supposed to be 8 years old but still sits in a car seat meant for much younger kids, who whines like a younger kid, who doesn’t want to eat any food that touched the “green thing.” Baumbach wrote him like a kindergartener, and he’s played like one, which makes him kind of insufferable – just like nearly every other side character. Nicole’s mother is an atrocious character played with a nails-on-the-chalkboard childlike voice by Julie Hagerty. The expert who comes to observe Henry at his parents’ houses is impossibly mousy and humorless. The lawyers are better developed than the family members across the board, and I suppose if this were Lawyer Story that would make sense. 

Why do critics seem to love this movie? Do they see something of their own lives in it? It is anchored by a great performance by Johanssen, a solid one by driver, and some strong supporting turns by Dern, Alan Alda (just wonderful in a small role as an avuncular attorney Charlie hires), and Ray Liotta (looking roided up as a bulldog attorney Charlie consults), but Baumbach forgot to finish drawing everything around them – the other characters, the depth their back story required, or some of the realism around their conflicts after she’s served him with papers. Even the one revelation about Charlie, which of course happens all the time in actual marriages, ends up derailing the story in a way because he goes from maybe-the-bad-guy to definitely-the-bad-guy, rather than advancing the actual marriage story – and it gives us another scene with a one-dimensional side character that tries to be funny but doesn’t work either. I don’t get any of this, even though you might think that I’d be right in this film’s demographic. It feels like the story of a marriage and divorce written by someone who’s never gone through either.

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→ December 9, 2019
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Imhotep The Duel.

Imhotep came in at #24 on my top 100 boardgames list last month, one of the best games from one of my favorite designers, Phil Walker-Harding, the same mind behind Gizmos (#37), Sushi Go Party! (#87), Bärenpark (#88), Silver & Gold (#48), and Cacao (#43), although if there’s a hiccup with Imhotep it’s that the game, designed for 2 to 4 players, becomes a bit like two-player solitaire if that’s your player count. Enter this year’s Imhotep The Duel, which reimagines the base game for two players in a way that forces more interaction and requires you to think about what your opponent might be doing far more often than you would in the original game. It takes the feel and many of the main elements of Imhotep but changes some of the fundamental mechanics to make it a new game, and also condenses the playing experience to about 20 minutes. Like 7 Wonders Duel, this is how a two-player version of a larger game should relate to its original.

In Imhotep The Duel you’re still trying to unload goods from boats on to four different spaces – the obelisk, the temple, the pyramids, and the tombs – but this time, each player has their own track of four player spaces, each of which has a basic and advanced side, and all of the goods are different, whereas in the original you were just placing your stones. Each player has four meeples and will place them on a 3×3 board that has six boats along two of its adjacent sides. Each space on the grid corresponds to one space on each of two boats, one touching its column and one its row. When a boat’s row/column has at least two meeples on it, either player may choose to unload the boat, assigning the goods in those spaces to players whose meeples were in the corresponding spaces.

Imhotep The Duel setup

On a turn, you may place a meeple, unload a boat, or use a blue action tile that lets you do something more powerful. If you’ve placed your four meeples, you have to unload a boat or use an action tile that doesn’t require placing a meeple, so there will be frequent unloading throughout the game. The tiles on the boats correspond to the four spaces on each player track as well as the blue action tiles, which let you place 2 or 3 meeples in one turn, steal any single good from a boat (skipping the meeple/unloading mechanism), swap two tiles on one boat and then unload it, or place a meeple and then unload up to two boats in one turn.

The basic scoring sides for the four spaces on your track are straightforward, and three of the four have a competitive aspect to them. The obelisk tiles are all identical and score one point per tile, but the player who has the most at the end gets a six-point bonus. The pyramids come in two colors with six tiles in each color available, and each tile you place on one pyramid is worth N points, where N is the number of tiles you’ve placed there so far – so 1-2-3-4-5-6 tiles are worth 1-3-6-10-15-21 points. Since those are scarce, going for the same pyramid as your opponent limits both of your upsides. The tomb tiles are numbered 1-12, each unique, and you score for contiguous groups of tiles, with those values also scaling up with a maximum of 5 adjacent tiles for 25 points. Groups of 6+ also score at 25, so your opponent might try to give you a tile that joins two of your groups and takes potential points away. Only the temple tiles are noncompetitive – each has 1 to 4 dots on it representing its point value.

The ‘B’ sides introduce a bit more competition and strategy but are still pretty simple to grasp. The obelisk gives a bonus of 12 points to the first player to get to 5 tiles and 6 points to the second, but if one player gets 10 tiles they get all 18 points. The temple switches from one point per dot to points for collecting sets of tiles with 1, 2, 3, and 4 dots. The pyramids now only score for your pyramid with fewer tiles on it, and you lose 6 points if you have 0 tiles on either pyramid. The tombs now score 4 points per group of tiles, with one tile still constituting a group, so you want to separate your tiles as much as possible (e.g., only getting odd-numbered tiles).

When there are no longer enough tiles in the supply to refill a boat a player has unloaded, that boat is removed from the game. The game ends when the fifth boat has been unloaded, so there will always be one boat (with three tiles on it) that isn’t unloaded. Players add up their points from the four scoring areas, then gain one point per unused blue action tile and one per meeple still on the 3×3 board. I timed my last game, against a player who’d never played this version before, and we finished in just under 20 minutes. It’s fun, portable, and fast to set up & play, and I’ll put it among my top ten two-player games when I next update that list. I got it for $13 on sale but it’s still just $19 on amazon.

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→ December 7, 2019
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Knives Out.

Knives Out might as well have been made explicitly for me. I can’t remember the last time I saw a movie that fit so many things I like in movies or even literature. It’s a mystery, and a fairly clever one. It’s witty on multiple levels. It’s very fast-paced, with a sort of hyper-reality to the dialogue. It left me wanting more of the same, and never felt overstuffed. It’s an homage to my favorite genre of films and novels, but never descends to parody. It’s not quite perfect, but my god did I enjoy every minute of it.

Rian Johnson wrote and directed the film, and did a similar homage to noir mysteries with his first feature film, Brick, but without the humor of this film, which is very much a British mystery in the style of Agatha Christie’s novels. He’s assembled an incredible cast, with Daniel Craig chewing scenery all over the country manor house as the pompous ‘gentleman detective’ Benoit Blanc – so we’re not even going to be subtle about the Christie allusions – who is Hercule Poirot with an exaggerated southern drawl that another character compares accurately to Foghorn Leghorn. It’s a bit of overkill, because he wrote the film like every Poirot or Miss Marple novel where there’s a bunch of eccentric characters who get very little depth or development, but given how much these actors appear to be enjoying the ride, it’s hard not to enjoy watching them do so.

Blanc, like Poirot in most of his novels, isn’t introduced until some time has already elapsed in the story. Instead we are introduced to Harlan Thrombey (Christopher Plummer, a delight as ever), bestselling mystery writer and, as of the opening scene in the film, recently deceased. A week later, two police officers (LaKeith Stanfield, woefully underused, and Noah Segan) arrive to question all of the family members, with Blanc sitting in the background and only interjecting after the formal questioning is over. The family members are all simply aghast at the implication that the patriarch was murdered – well, all except for his mother – and get worked up when Blanc starts probing. Enter Marta (Ana de Armas), Harlan’s private nurse, a Peruvian woman whose mother is an undocumented immigrant and who can’t lie without throwing up. Blanc uses the latter feature to his advantage, while others try to exploit the former for their own ends. Marta was the last person to see Harlan alive, and knows more about the circumstances of his death than anyone else, so Blanc appoints her his deputy (in a way) and sets about solving the crime.

Knives Out is all story and dialogue, and I’m good with that. I especially love the Poirot stories because I enjoy his character – the pompous, brilliant little Belgian man with the “face fungus” and silly hat and ability to solve crimes by the “psychology” of the suspects – and Blanc offers a lot of that too, similarly enamored of his own abilities, perhaps less perceptive when it comes to the suspects’ psychological motives but more entertaining with his turns of phrase. If you’re looking for complex characters or character growth, though, it’s not here: this is an old-school whodunit that lives and dies – pun intended – by the murder and its solution, buoyed by rapid-fire dialogue that would do His Girl Friday‘s writers proud. It is frequently funny, never riotously so, but consistently amusing, and Johnson did imbue several of the characters with varying degrees of wit, with Linda (Jamie Lee Curtis, who really inhabits her role and could carry a movie in that character) dashing off some of the best lines. So you’ll get to see a stupendous collection of actors – Michael Shannon, Don Johnson, Toni Collette, Chris Evans, Chris Evans’ sweater, even M. Emmet Walsh – get not quite enough to do, but do a lot with what they get.

The story itself is good, but I think it’s a bit too easy to solve. I suspect I know what Johnson was trying to do, but it doesn’t quite work. I wasn’t sure I knew it until the end, and even then I realized I missed one really big clue, but it’s a bit too clear from the midpoint of the film who the most likely culprit is. Johnson does dial up the resolution to eleven, though, and perhaps the greatest strength of the script is how often little lines or events from earlier in the film pay off at the end. It rewards you for paying attention, and my attention was rapt from the beginning.

Johnson has already said he’d like to do a sequel with Blanc as the lead detective solving another murder, and I’m here for it – but I acknowledge I am at the absolute center of the circle encompassing the target audience for such a film. I love an old-timey murder mystery, and Johnson gave me the best new one I’ve seen or read in a very long time. It has flaws I wouldn’t forgive in a non-genre film, but great genre fiction often adheres to the genre’s intrinsic rules. I wish I could have seen Curtis fire off a few more quips or to know how Evans character became such a spoiled disaster, or gotten more mileage from the gag about the grandson who’s an alt-right troll (and looks like someone hit Mark Gatiss with a Benjamin Button ray), but this isn’t that kind of movie. Your mileage may vary.

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→ December 6, 2019
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Pandemic Rapid Response.

Pandemic Rapid Response is the latest brand extension to the Pandemic cooperative game franchise, which now includes the two Legacy seasons and multiple spinoffs in specific geographies, but all of which adhere more or less to the original game’s mechanics. This one, however, is a completely new game with the Pandemic theme pasted on to it, adding a real-time element and a lot of dice rolling, removing all of the path-finding aspects of the original and creating a more tenuous connection between the game play and the theme itself. It’s available exclusively at Target.

In Rapid Response, two to four players play crew members on a plane that brings emergency supplies to the worst-affected cities in a global outbreak. There are five types of supplies, represented by four cubes each of five colors in separate rooms on the plane, and a track of cities around the outside of the board with a plane token to move around it. In the most basic version of the game, you start with two cities already asking for help, which means they need four or occasionally five supply cubes in a specific combination, and you must gather those supplies from around the ship in a convoluted fashion so you can deliver them from the cargo bay. You start with three ‘time tokens,’ and lose one each time the hourglass runs out, at which point you also unveil another city card that is requesting assistance – three more, in total, in the starter version. The hourglass runs long enough for multiple player turns, but you have to move quickly and make split-second decisions. When you deliver to a city, you remove that card and gain one more time token; if you run out of time tokens at any point, however, you lose the game.

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Each player has six dice that show various symbols on the six sides – the five supply types as well as an airplane symbol. You start your turn by rolling all of your dice, and then you may reroll any or all dice up to two more times at any time during your turn. You can spend any die, regardless of face value, to move to an adjacent room on the plane. You can spend a die with a plane symbol to move the plane one city in either direction. If you’re in a room and have dice with the matching supply symbol, you can place those dice on the room’s track; once you get at least four dice (it varies by room), you can ‘activate’ the room, take the displayed number of cubes, and then roll all of those dice to see how much ‘waste’ you generated, based on how many circled symbols you get on the roll. You then move up the waste track in the recycling room, which goes from 0 to 10; if it exceeds 10, you lose the game as well. You take your cubes and move them to the cargo bay, which holds up to ten cubes until you deliver some.

You can deliver goods by moving to the cargo bay and using one die with a plane symbol to activate it, after which you return those goods to their original supply rooms. You can also deal with the excess waste by going to the recycling room and placing up to five dice on that room’s track, losing them for the rest of the turn but moving the track marker back up to four spaces.

Each player has a unique role, as in the original Pandemic, that gives you some small but useful benefit, such as getting to move the plane 1 or 2 spaces per die, or letting you roll one fewer die for waste when you activate a room. One role lets you reroll up to two more times, for a total of five, which I think is the most useful of all, although I am not quite sure of that after just a few plays.

You can increase the game’s difficulty by using more city cards both at the start and in the mini-deck you’ll use during the game each time the hourglass is emptied; or by using the Crisis cards, which just throw more obstacles in your path, like the ones that sit atop already-played city cards and require you to deliver one specific cube to satisfy the crisis card first before you can make a second delivery to complete the city card. I don’t think they’re necessary, but they do add another wrinkle to the game.

The challenge is already pretty difficult, and I think you should be prepared to bark a lot of orders or “suggestions” at each other while you play because your time is so limited. You start the time, the first player rolls, does a few things, rolls the remaining dice, tries to do something else, maybe rolls a third time, stops, and the second player has to jump in immediately to start their turn. It’s a frenetic experience, which isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but it’s a big switch from Pandemic, which is also very tense but draws it from the game itself rather than a timer. Pandemic Rapid Response plays two to four players but is definitely better with more; you need the advantage of more pawns moving around the ship to be more efficient with your deliveries. It’s also the shortest Pandemic game by playing time; the box promises 20 minutes and I think that’s accurate once you get the rhythm down, although before that, the games might be shorter because you lose so quickly.

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→ December 5, 2019
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Early Riser.

Jasper Fforde was one of my favorite authors in the first decade of the 2000s, from his Thursday Next series (starting with The Eyre Affair) to the two Nursery Crimes stories to his Shades of Grey, a brilliant, dystopian novel that ended on a still unresolved cliffhanger. I even got my daughter hooked on his young adult trilogy that began with The Last Dragonslayer, also still hanging as he decided to make it a tetralogy. All of his output screeched to a six-year halt, however, due to what he termed a “creative hiatus,” that ended with the long-awaited release in early 2019 of a new, standalone, self-contained novel, Early Riser.

Fforde started talking about this novel in the early 2010s, although I think it has undergone many changes since that point. It’s also a dystopian story, unrelated to Shades, this one in an alternate universe where the planet is exceptionally cold and humans must hibernate during winters. Set in Wales, where Fforde lives, the book follows Charlie Worthing as he’s brought into the equivalent of the night police in this world and uncovers a plot around “nightwalkers,” people whose cognitive functions have been severely impaired by interruptions to their winter sleep cycles. Such people, who kind of resemble docile zombies, take on menial labor tasks for the conglomerate HiberTech, which also produces the drug (Morphenox) that allows people to hibernate in dreamless sleep that doesn’t require the kind of calorie-loading other species must undertake before several months of slumber.

Fforde’s genius in all of his books prior to Early Riser was his humor, which played out in multiple ways, from slapstick to wordplay to more ornate situational gags. It’s almost completely absent in Early Riser, and there are a few points where it seems like he’s trying to be funny and failing – none more obviously so in his character names, which has turned from an amusing sideline from earlier books (e.g., just about all characters in the Thursday Next series have absurd names, from the title character to Braxton Hicks to Brikk Schitt-Hawse) into a tired bit here. Just one character has a clever name in this book, and I can’t mention it here because of the spoiler involved, but it’s not even a bad pun – just a smart, slightly esoteric reference that made me think, “yeah, actually, that is a pretty good name.”

The rest of the story, however, just isn’t funny in any way. So many reviews cite how hilarious the book is, but it’s not – the story itself feels serious, and most of the plot itself tends towards the serious side. I can see places where Fforde tried to add some levity, such as the occasional, bold-and-italic “Whump” lines that indicate somebody got hit by surprise, but his light touch with dialogue and story are absent here. It makes sense on some level that Fforde is trying to tell a more serious tale here, with both an unsubtle climate-change allegory and a more directly anti-corporate take than the parodic Goliath of the Thursday Next series, but it’s distracting to read Fforde’s voice as if its affect has gone flat.

As for the story itself … it’s fine, nothing more. I never felt all that invested in Charlie’s story, or the person he ultimately tries to save, in part because I knew the former was going to work out (and had a rough idea of how) and because the latter character isn’t well developed enough before she ends up in jeopardy. It seems like Fforde might have wanted to go to a darker, creepier place than in his other books, but pulled up a little short rather than committing fully to creating something so contrary to his prior work. The dark of the novel – there are multiple scenes set outside in blizzard conditions, so Charlie can’t see what’s happening – doesn’t quite lend itself to the sense of foreboding that Fforde seemed to want. The result undermines a bit of the allegory within the book as well: I could understand the goal of the climate-change metaphor, but it felt distant from the plot itself.

The good news, I suppose, is that the creative hiatus is over, and Fforde’s next book, The Constant Rabbit, is due out in the UK in July of 2020, to be followed by the fourth and final Dragonslayer book within twelve months. He still owes us the Shades of Grey sequel and I suppose one more (final?) Thursday Next novel, but at least now he’s back to writing regularly.

Next up: I’m almost through Manjit Kumar’s Quantum: Einstein, Bohr, and the Great Debate About the Nature of Reality as well as Alan Alda’s If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face?

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→ December 4, 2019
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Music update, November 2019.

I’ve kept this playlist and post a bit short since I’m about a week-plus from doing my year-end top 100, after which I’ll do my top 100 songs of the entire decade, on top of all of the other stuff I’m planning to do between now and the holidays. Stay tuned. As always, if you can’t see the widget below you can access the playlist here.

FKA twigs – sad day. FKA twigs’ second album, MAGDALENA, is definitely more mature and polished, and a better showcase for her incredible voice. While there are some ups and downs there are multiple memorable tracks here, including this, “cellophane,” and “mirrored heart.”

Jake Bugg – Kiss Like the Sun. I loved Bugg’s first album and the lead single from his second record, “What Doesn’t Kill You,” but he kind of lost his sense of melody after that; this is his best track since then.

White Reaper – Raw. White Reaper’s brand of punk-pop is nothing novel, but it is really right in my wheelhouse.

The Mysterines – Who’s Ur Girl. I don’t really do breakout columns for music, especially since it’s often unclear when any specific artist is going to release a full-length album, but if I did such a thing for 2020 I’d have this Liverpool trio on it. Their output to date has such a promising combination of raw energy, seething vocals, and dark melodies under the hard-rock surface that I feel like they should be everywhere a year from now.

Rina Sawayama – STFU! The song itself is good, although there are indeed a lot of F-bombs within it, but it’s the cringey-funny video that takes the song to the next level.

BONES UK – Pretty Waste. I don’t pay much attention to the Grammy nominations – they’re for someone else’s taste in music, just not mine – but I did notice that one of the five nominees for Best Rock Performance was this song, by an artist I’d never heard of before. BONES UK comprise two women and a drummer (known simply as “Heavy”) who produce harsh noise-rock with dance elements and lyrics about feminism and toxic masculinity. Speaking of the Grammys, Candlemass and Tony Iommi are going to win the Metal award (for “Astorolus”) because Iommi’s the same age as the voters, right?

Grimes – So Heavy I Fell Through the Earth. I want to reserve judgment on some of the Grimes tracks until the entire album is out, since she’s pitching as a concept record, but on their own they’ve been pretty uneven and generally lacked the accessibility of Art Angels, with a lot of the little-girl voice she used on Visions.

Wye Oak – Fortune. I assume this is the lead single from a forthcoming album from the indie-rock duo, whose 2018 album The Louder I Call, The Faster It Runs had some incredible high points and was a promising return to form after the previous record Tween.

James BKS, Q-Tip, Idris Elba, & Little Simz – New Breed. They had me at Q-Tip, and kept me at Idris Elba, but this second track from James BKS, signed to Elba’s new label 7Wallace, is a solid enough song even if you don’t grant bonus points for the name value of the guest stars … and it led me back to James BKS’s 2018 single “Kwele,” which is even better.

Beck – See Through. I prefer Beck’s more innovative, layered, uptempo stuff, including his last album Colors, to the more subdued and restrained style he shows on his newest record, Hyperspace. This and “Stratosphere” are probably my favorite tracks from the new album.

Inhaler – My Honest Face. Inhaler has a bit of a leg up as they start their careers, since their frontman is Elijah Hewson, whose father you may know as Bono. This track seems like it could have appeared on War or October, but they’ve earned some plaudits from Noel Gallagher and opened for his High Flying Birds this fall.

Greg Dulli – Pantomima. Dulli, the lead singer of the Afghan Whigs, is about to release a solo album, the first original material to appear under his own name since 2005’s Amber Headlights (a Twilight Singers project he abandoned and then finished on his own). I enjoyed the Whigs’ 2017 comeback album In Spades and find this driving track a promising look at Dulli’s new album.

…And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead – Don’t Look Down. This almost seems a bit mellow for the post-hardcore pioneers, who will release their tenth album, their first in six years, in January.

Alcest – Le Miroir. Yeah, this is my favorite metal album of the year, and I don’t think it’s close. This is atmospheric, ambitious metal that I could listen to for hours.

Kvelertak – Bråtebrann. I’d never heard of this Norwegian band before finding them on a Spotify playlist, but this feels like vintage Entombed with vocals that are just yelled rather than growled – death’n’roll for the masses. Well, except for the lyrics, which are all in Norwegian, but that doesn’t bother me.

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→ December 3, 2019
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Santorini app.

As a very chess-like game with an obvious mathematical underpinning, Santorini, which I reviewed in 2017, was an obvious candidate for a port to digital platforms. Roxley Games did so earlier this year and the adaptation is very successful, so much so, however, that it reminded me of why I stopped playing the tabletop version and dropped it from my top 100.

Santorini is played on a 5×5 grid, and each player gets two workers to move around the board and build towers of up to three levels. On a typical turn, you pick one of your workers, move it to any adjacent space (orthogonally or diagonally), and then build on a space adjacent to the new one. Workers can move up one level at a time, or down any number of levels. You win the game if you get either of your workers to the third level of a tower. You don’t own the towers you build, so you can climb or build further on a tower your opponent started. You can also put a dome on top of the third level of a tower, which makes it impossible for any worker to move there for the rest of the game. In my limited experience, you want to set up a trap of sorts where you have a worker on a two-level tower who is standing between two three-level towers, or who is next to a three-level tower to which your opponent can’t get a worker adjacent to put a dome on it.

That’s the base game, and I think it works quite well in the vein of chess-like two-player games, with zero luck, a fair amount of thinking ahead and envisioning what your opponent will do and how the board will change. However, game and the app both come with a set of “gods” that give players unique powers, creating a huge number of possible combinations to give the game plenty of replay value. The app seems to come with 34 gods up front, which would mean you have 561 combinations in the base game, with 25 more available through in-app purchases of 5 gods apiece for $1 or $2, or all 25 in a pack for $8, giving you 1711 combinations. (Combinations and permutations always gave me fits in school.)

This is about where Santorini loses me: these gods are just not well-balanced, and some feel too close to unbeatable. The fact that the game is so mathematical means the AI players always seem to make the optimal moves, and I’ve had numerous experiences where I quit a game against the AI because I could see that I was 3-5 moves from a guaranteed loss with no way out. And there are god combinations that skew heavily towards one or the other. Pan is the most annoying one I’ve encountered, as he’s one of the gods with a second win condition – in Pan’s case, the player wins if one of its workers can move down two levels, which means you have to prevent their workers from ever getting to the second or third level of any tower, ever.

The app implementation is really strong, though – the variety of gods and the skill levels even of the easier AIs are indicative of the quality of the app itself. The fact that it reminded me that I don’t like the game is probably a sign that the developers did their job. The graphics are bright and mostly clear, while the animations work well and all user moves are intuitive. The board itself relies on the three-dimensional perspective; in the app, you can spin the board around and view it from the top, but I still often find it hard to discern whether there’s one level or two on buildings that I can’t see from the front, and it’s definitely too easy to click the wrong space unless you move from the isometric view to the bird’s-eye one. You can undo a move if you click the undo button within about two seconds, before the AI makes a move, but of course that may be before you realize you erred.

The app comes with local and online options as well as a campaign mode called Odyssey, which is useful for letting you experiment with several of the gods, although the options for working through it are rather limited and that’s where I ran into some of the god matchups I thought were unbalanced. Given how many combinations there are in the game, though, it’s probably a better way to get introduced to some of them than going with trial and error in the local mode.

I’d compare this to Race for the Galaxy, another game I don’t love but that was implemented incredibly well in its app, although I’d take that one over Santorini because I think the game lends itself to more open-ended strategies. I’d recommend this if you like the original Santorini, or enjoy games like chess or Tak or Go that involve very little luck and reward long-term thinking. It’s $4.99 for iOS or Android.

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