From a reader named Dante:

Your wrong about Rice ,he is most Deserved

Well that just settles it.

What I really don’t get is what possesses someone to go through all the effort to find my ESPN mailbag … and then send that message.

From today’s chat:

(1421) Stephexander (Chicago)
U totally r bashing on the white sox u don’t even watch baseball u r just liek the rest of the espn writers because u are biased toward the east coast omg i h8 espn and i hate you kieth law. u must be related to vance law

I didn’t know you could participate in an ESPN chat via text message.

It’s been a while since we did some ridiculous reader emails, but I figured yesterday’s column on the All-Star rosters would generate a few, since it’s always a controversial topic. Sadly, I haven’t gotten any particularly virulent or poorly-written ones, but I did get two that caught my eye. The first is from Nick, who didn’t provide an email address:

How could you say Jason Varitek doesn’t deserve to be in the all star game? Baseball is played on both sides of the field and regardless of his lack of batting, Varitek might be the best pitch caller in the game today. Don’t forget he was the one who caught Lester’s no hitter and has done this more than once. He was voted in by the players, that should tell you something.

It does tell me something, but not what Nick seems to be hearing.

I’m really stunned/amused by the no-hitters argument for Varitek. Has anyone ever pushed catching no-hitters as a skill, or evidence of a specific skill for the catcher? And is that not evidence that you’re scraping for something if you have to reach like that because the player’s offensive performance has been so bad?

But the surprise email was this one, from “scott,” apparently a student at an Ivy League school, about my Sabathia reaction piece:

Keith, CC won the Cy Young last year, remember that? NO KIDDING that he’s one of the best pitchers, if not the best, in the National League. Your last few columns have shown a complete lack of baseball knowledge.

Aren’t you all bowled over by scott’s baseball knowledge? Wow. I sure am. He knows who won the Cy Young Award last year!

(The ESPN Conversation on the Sabathia article has been a good one, so if you have questions about that deal, please post them there.)

UPDATE: We have a winner! Bob from Kansas City writes:

you my friend are the most uneducated baseball “expert” I have ever seen. Joakim Soria is the “token” Royal on the All Star team? You are an idiot. Do some research and you’ll find that he is pretty much the most automatic closer in baseball today. Ask batters around the American League what they think of Mr. Soria. You and your east coast bias make all of us in the midwest sick. Learn how to do some research before writing this ridiculous garbage.

Awesome. I’m an idiot, even though Bob doesn’t understand the “token” term. Good times!

Love my readers! This was in the pool of questions for today’s chat:

(1420) Brian-Baltimore
Sorry. Definitely said it about Lincecum. I always knew you were the type that weasles out of his off base projections. You are too smug for your own good. That makes the whole blog you wrote about being true to your readership hollow.

The best part here is that Brian misunderstood what I was saying, and his mistake means that I’m a smug weasel! Excuse me – weasle. Although he was better than the reader who called me a “shitbag” because I didn’t answer his question.

Frank D is back!

(253) Frank D (REDACTED) 2008-02-18 11:17:00.0
Toronto misses you. The floors need sweeping. Eric Bedard is a stud. He’s proven that. Prospects are just that. When you can get a young lefty with his stuff, you move heaven and hell to get him. You wouldn’t know that being a total dumbass. laughing at you every time, Frank D. Btw, please go back to obscurity.

I love the fact that my work drives him up the wall. By the way, he still hasn’t realized that he has my email address – as always, this came through my ESPN mailbag.

Reader Jason Price – who is unusual in that he provided his name and email address – had this to say:

You guys are queers and your “IN” articles suck. Get over yourselves… you’re beat reporters on the internet who couldn’t get a job on TV.

Let’s take this bit by bit, with Jason’s comments in bold and mine labeled as “KL.”

You guys

KL: (looks around) Um, no, just me here, thanks.

are queers

KL: I appreciate Jason identifying himself in this way from the top. And no, I’m not gay.

and your “IN” articles suck

KL: You have to pay to read Insider articles, so Jason is paying for articles he thinks suck.

Get over yourselves… you’re beat reporters on the internet

KL: I’m not sure how “beat reporter” is supposed to be an insult, but more to the point, Jason has no idea what a beat reporter is. A beat reporter works a beat, so he’s assigned a specific team (or player) and follows his target around all season, attending every game that team (or player) plays. Even the most cursory read of my articles would make it clear I don’t work a beat.

who couldn’t get a job on TV.

KL: At last count, I’ve been on TV over 130 times. So it appears that Jason is no better with a remote control than he is with a keyboard.

Of course, through all of that, Jason never bothered to say what article or articles prompted the email, so if his point was to offer some sort of meaningful criticism, he failed at that too. Excellent work, Jason!

This guy has become a bit of a regular, even though he can’t figure out how to reply to an email (he just sends responses to my ESPN mailbag instead). He first popped up when I ripped the Mets’ side of the Milledge trade, being sort of obnoxious until I pointed out how specious his arguments were, then becoming, well, like this:

Frank D’Elia (REDACTED) 2008-02-02 10:43:00.0
Hey genius, what do you think about the Schneider deal now? You think perhaps a seasoned backstop would be perfect for Johann and a guy like Pelfrey? You are clueless. Perhaps that’s why Toronto let you go. I hear their mailroom is much more efficient. Btw, no need to respond. I won’t read it anyway. You’re a pompous ass.

Wow, he sure told me. Nothing like the false claim that I was let go by Toronto – or that I had a menial job – to boost an argument.