The Next Food Network Star, episode 6.

Disappointing outcome, as I thought Shane had a lot of potential. Ultimately, he was dinged for lack of life experience – although they never explained how that specifically makes him an inferior option for a show host – and for not working well with his assigned Girl Scout, also a silly criterion. Shane did sink himself with his answer about why he is obsessed with French cuisine. Don’t say you love the French life if you’ve never set foot in France. At best, it comes across as young, and at worst, fake.

  • Good to see Adam finally nail the food. He was a complete natural on the set, more than any other contestant. Aaron’s flour on the cheek move and then play to the camera was pretty brilliant too.
  • Lisa … I can’t tell you how surprised I was that she advanced. The show’s producers wrecked her reputation by showing her in full-on B. Otch mode with Kelsey (refusing to answer a basic question from Kelsey about whether or not to remove the sausage casings), and then she froze up completely on air with RaeRay. Oh, and her dish wasn’t tailored in any way to a child’s palate. I’m not clear on what she did right this week that got her (effectively) third place. I also can’t imagine watching a half-hour of her smarm, but that’s another story.
  • Back to the part where she froze up, I’ve said this before but it bears repeating: You can’t think on camera. You have to know what you’re going to say before you start talking, and then once you begin talking, you finish your original thought and wrap. Thinking about what you’re saying – or, worse, what you just said – is a potentially fatal error. Lisa compounded this by continuing to think about her performance while the clock was ticking. What we’ve seen of her the last few weeks wouldn’t work on television, even if it’s taped.
  • Whether or not I could stand a half-hour of Kelsey’s perkiness is another question, but I thought the judges were unduly harsh on her. They told her to be more authoritative. She was bossy. They dinged her for it. Well, she did what you told her to do, guys. If that means she’s not right for the Food Network, then just tell her and move on, but stop killing her (or anyone else, for that matter) for listening to your criticisms.

Unrelated note/question: America’s Test Kitchen’s most recent episode included a review of safety can openers, and their winner was this $35 can opener from Rösle. I’m curious whether anyone has it or has seen it. It seems like a mint to pay for a can opener, even a good one.

And if you did see that episode, did you notice how the onion that Bridget was dicing slid all over the cutting board while she was making horizontal cuts in it? Yeah. That’s why the three-cut method is stupid and dangerous. Stick with Alton’s method: radial cuts all around the onion half (from cut end to bulb top), rotate 90 degrees, then cut straight down for a pretty even and much safer dice.

The Mailbag of Malcontent, vol. 9.

It’s been a while since we did some ridiculous reader emails, but I figured yesterday’s column on the All-Star rosters would generate a few, since it’s always a controversial topic. Sadly, I haven’t gotten any particularly virulent or poorly-written ones, but I did get two that caught my eye. The first is from Nick, who didn’t provide an email address:

How could you say Jason Varitek doesn’t deserve to be in the all star game? Baseball is played on both sides of the field and regardless of his lack of batting, Varitek might be the best pitch caller in the game today. Don’t forget he was the one who caught Lester’s no hitter and has done this more than once. He was voted in by the players, that should tell you something.

It does tell me something, but not what Nick seems to be hearing.

I’m really stunned/amused by the no-hitters argument for Varitek. Has anyone ever pushed catching no-hitters as a skill, or evidence of a specific skill for the catcher? And is that not evidence that you’re scraping for something if you have to reach like that because the player’s offensive performance has been so bad?

But the surprise email was this one, from “scott,” apparently a student at an Ivy League school, about my Sabathia reaction piece:

Keith, CC won the Cy Young last year, remember that? NO KIDDING that he’s one of the best pitchers, if not the best, in the National League. Your last few columns have shown a complete lack of baseball knowledge.

Aren’t you all bowled over by scott’s baseball knowledge? Wow. I sure am. He knows who won the Cy Young Award last year!

(The ESPN Conversation on the Sabathia article has been a good one, so if you have questions about that deal, please post them there.)

UPDATE: We have a winner! Bob from Kansas City writes:

you my friend are the most uneducated baseball “expert” I have ever seen. Joakim Soria is the “token” Royal on the All Star team? You are an idiot. Do some research and you’ll find that he is pretty much the most automatic closer in baseball today. Ask batters around the American League what they think of Mr. Soria. You and your east coast bias make all of us in the midwest sick. Learn how to do some research before writing this ridiculous garbage.

Awesome. I’m an idiot, even though Bob doesn’t understand the “token” term. Good times!

Media today.

TV today at 3:40 pm EDT on ESPNEWS.

I’m tentatively scheduled to appear via phone on Sports Time Ohio at 5:05 pm.

Radio, all times local:

  • ESPN 1050 AM in New York at 11:10 am.
  • Team 1380 in St. Louis at 4:20 pm.
  • ESPN 1070 in Madison, Wisconsin, at 4:40 pm.
  • ESPN Radio (national) at 6 pm EDT.
  • ESPN 1620 AM (KOZN) in Omaha at 5:17 pm. Cancelled, at 5:16.
  • WBAL 1090 AM in Baltimore at 7 pm.
  • ESPN 1080 the Fan in Portland, Oregon, at 5:30 pm.
  • ESPN 1000 in Chicago at around 9:25 pm.

I’ll update that list if anything more comes in today.

Aguas frescas.

Great article in the LA Times on aguas frescas and where in LA to find them.

I’m a huge fan of agua fresca – blended fruit that’s mixed with sugar and water and strained – and gorge on them at Phoenix Ranch Market every time I’m in Arizona. If anyone has tried any of the suggested places, let me know; I’d bet on the Vallarta Supermarkets serving the best ones of all the places on the Times‘ list, since it seems like some of the other places (like the Hungry Cat) are more interested in being trendy than being authentic.

EDIT: Eh, why not.

Watermelon agua fresca

2 cups cubed watermelon plus any juices that have seeped out
1 Tbsp simple syrup or 1 tsp agave nectar
1/4-1/2 cup water

Puree the watermelon with the juices. Strain through a medium-meshed strainer to remove the solids. Combine with the sweetener and water and pour over ice. Drink immediately. A quick squeeze of lime juice is optional.

Chat/radio.

There will be a KlawChat today over at the Four-Letter at 1 pm EDT.

I’ll be on WZON in Portland, Maine, today between 4 and 6 pm (we’re pretaping in the 3 pm hour); on WKNR 850 in Cleveland at 4:10 pm; and on the Thom Abraham Show on ESPN 106.7 in Nashville after 4 pm CDT, although I’m waiting to hear a specific time from them.

I’ll also be on Miami’s 790 the Ticket with Jonathan Zaslow on Friday at 11 am.

The Next Food Network Star, week 5.

Notes on episode 5:

  • The first challenge was even more inane than usual. Asking a cook to describe someone else’s dish and then docking them for not guessing all the ingredients correctly is more than a little absurd. At the end, the judges criticized a few contestants for not “owning” the dishes, or “taking ownership.” Hey, news flash, they didn’t cook the dishes they were describing. I have more ownership of the Taj Mahal than they had of those dishes.
  • Cat Cora is a verbal train wreck – “your describing skills,” “the reason I’ve chose you” – and I’ve seen shorter roots on a hundred-year-old tree. Having her judge the candidates on presentation was not a good decision. Seriously, when Aaron said “coq de vin,” I’m sure she thought, “Yeah, that’s right.”
  • Adam’s decision-making sucked; bone-in chicken breasts can be cooked in 45 minutes in an oven, but not on a grill, and polenta takes a solid 45 just to cook, plus a few minutes to finish it.
  • The key to the second challenge was deconstruction. For the coq au vin, I would have done roasted chicken breasts wrapped in some form of cured pork (probably bacon or pancetta) with a sauce of red wine, butter, shallots, and thyme. Lisa’s idea of duck confit for the turducken was great, as was using a poultry sausage, although I would have used the sausage gambit to get credit for chicken, which has the least flavor of the three meats involved.
  • “I can’t believe that happened” … no, Jen, I can’t believe YOU did that. Who the hell bangs a glass jar on a cooktop – or ANYWHERE – to get it open? You have heat sources everywhere. Run the lid under hot water for ten seconds. It’s not that hard. If she bangs glass jars all the time, I’m surprised she has any blood left in her system.
  • The complaint about the white onions and beige pastry was the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. I cancelled my Bon Appetit subscription four or five years ago because their recipes were slipping, and this is probably why: They care more about colors clashing on the plate than, you know, how the freaking food tastes. Unbelievable. I’m not sure what world they live in; maybe a world where Andrew’s hair is actually stylish.
  • Shane and Kelsey won this in a walk; I have to give Shane credit for coming off as older than nineteen every time he’s on camera. Still not sure I could stand 22 minutes of Kelsey.
  • The judge who made the point (to Aaron, I believe) about self-editing was spot on: You can’t do that while you’re on camera. It’s not writing, where you can go back, delete, re-word, and so on. You have to just keep going, even if what you just said was wrong or stupid or boxed you into a corner. Fight your way out if you have to, but don’t stop or pause or think about what you just said. The camera is still rolling while you think.

Unrelated link: Starbucks to close 600 stores. I wonder if this location is one of them.

Viva la Vida, or Death and All His Friends.

Coldplay’s Viva la Vida, or Death and All His Friends is the first full album I’ve bought in at least two years. I have always been a singles guy, whether those were songs released as commercial singles or just deep album tracks that I liked. The idea of the album as a cohesive artistic unit rarely succeeded for me, and I always interpreted it as more marketing/finance than art, since it was not terribly economical to sell songs individually when that involved moving physical product.

Then came the compression algorithm behind MP3 files, which allowed for delivery of single tracks at virtually no cost to the vendor, with some loss of audio quality to the consumer (although much audio quality had already been lost with the move to CDs, and most of us can’t hear the difference or just don’t care). The record industry decided to stick two fingers in its ears and one up its ass in a rather stunning combination of physical dexterity and willful ignorance, continuing to push albums and refusing to unbundled them for digital distribution for several years. I have always wondered why this didn’t constitute tying, a type of antitrust violation where the purchase of one product is predicated on the simultaneous purchase of another product even though the two products could be sold separately. Even to this day, some labels and artists refuse to allow their albums to be sold as individual tracks, which, in the existence of a significant black market for music, is like leaving the keys in your car on an urban street with a “steal me” sign in the window. (I have, in fact, done this, without the sign though.)

I bought Coldplay’s new album with the idea of reviewing it, rather than out of any specific desire to have the entire album. I loved Parachutes from start to finish, but felt that A Rush Of Blood To The Head was far less consistent (and we all know how important consistency is), with a fair bit of filler. I didn’t bother with X&Y because I don’t like the type of Coldplay song that my friend Nicole refers to as “mopeysuck,” like “Fix You,” and probably would have bought new Coldplay material as each single came out if it wasn’t for my intention to review the album.

Of course, that’s a long intro to lead up to the obvious point that I am glad I bought the entire album, because it’s good. It is an extended bit of experimentation by a band trying to break out of the musical corner into which they had boxed themselves, and while bits of it dance over the line into pseudo-prog-rock and there is one moment of undeniably twee music perhaps better suited to now-defunct fey Britpop bands like Geneva, Viva la Vida feels more like a transitional album for a band on its way to an extended run of commercially and artistically significant music.

Most of the middle tracks on the album involve multiple movements, a risky maneuver that can leave the listener liking half of each song. On “42,” a mopeysuck intro leads to a more uptempo instrumental transition followed by the peculiar but catchy singalong chorus of “You thought you might be a ghost/You didn’t get to heaven but you made it close.” Similarly, the two-part, seven-minute track “Lovers in Japan” starts with a driving background reminiscent of Mercury Rev’s “Delta Sun Bottleneck Stomp” (also uneven yet fun), but around the four-minute mark switches to the second part, a mopeysuck ballad with no apparent connection to the first movement, although I imagine they would just be split if released as a single. Every one of these songs has a great sequence in it, but only the two-part “Yes” – actually the song “Yes” plus a hidden track, sold as a single song in the downloadable version – delivers in both halves, although the transition is jarring and the connection between the two pieces is not evident.

The album kicks into high gear when “Yes” is followed by “Viva la Vida,” which should put Coldplay into Record of the Year territory (especially since they’ve won the award before – and you thought the baseball writers were predictable). It’s a classic combination of upbeat music as an ironic background to an extended lament, this time with a deposed monarch (or tyrant?) as narrator. It’s probably the closest Coldplay has ever come to putting an actual groove into one of their tracks. “Viva” is followed by the lead single, “Violet Hill,” a dark, almost gothic ballad carried by a Bonham-esque drumbeat – you might wonder if they’re on Violet Hill because the levee broke and they had to head for higher ground – with a distinctive modulation behind the chorus’ final line that provides a sinister contrast to the words (“If you love me/Won’t you let me know”).

What elevates the album despite the trademark strain of melancholy that always infects Coldplay’s music is the way that nearly every song possesses a sort of musical greed that drives it forward, or perhaps pulls the listener in and forces you to want to come along for the ride. There’s more layering than ever before, almost a 180 from the sparse arrangements of Parachutes and much of X&Y. There’s also a lot of what I could only call prog-rock leanings, like the Russian-sounding, minor-key violin solo in “Yes,” or the heavily syncopated transitional movement in “42.” If this is a sign that they’re heading full-on into Yes or King Crimson territory, then this is my stop and I’m getting off, but I’m hopeful that Viva la Vida is more of a sign of maturation in their music, and that we’re about to get their equivalent of The Joshua Tree or Revolver the next time out.

Monday stuff.

I did a Q&A on the Cardinals’ draft over at Future Redbirds. The first commenter made my day.

The dish is the blog equivalent of a cool indie band. Nice.

I’ll be on ESPNEWS today at 3:40 pm EDT, and after that I’m off to the doubleheader at Lowell in case any of you will be in attendance. Feel free to say hi.

If you can read Italian, check out .144, a blog written by a diehard baseball fan in Italy (and a great supporter of the growth of baseball in Italy, and the associated site PlayItUSA, with articles on US-based sports all written in Italian. It’s a good resource if you’re trying to improve your Italian vocabulary, which I’m doing right now in advance of the August visit of one of my cousins from Genova.

Skirt steak fajitas.

I have no idea if fajitas are Mexican food, Tex-Mex food, or something invented by the New York City-based marketing department of a casual-dining chain looking for a way to get rid of less-desirable cuts of beef.

I don’t care. I love ’em.

I should clarify: I love fajitas when they’re done right. They are, however, almost never done right. Gummy tortillas, overcooked and underseasoned meat, tasteless veggies, and a side platter of undefinable cheese, rotten sour cream, and limp lettuce do not qualify as “done right.”

This recipe for steak fajitas works best over a grill, but if you have a grill pan, you can fake it, and on a rainy day I have made these on a cast-iron flat-top grill that sits over two burners on my stove. I turned the fan on high and had a fair amount of cleanup to do afterwards, but the steak came out fine.

First up, make the steak rub. This is the same homemade spice mix I use as taco seasoning and just about anywhere else that a chili powder mixture is called for.

2 Tbsp ancho chili powder
2 tsp cumin (toasted & freshly ground)
2 tsp coriander
½-1 tsp cayenne pepper (depends on your heat tolerance)
½ tsp sweet paprika
½ tsp smoked Spanish paprika
1-2 tsp dried oregano

Whisk those together and set aside. There is no salt in the rub, because we’re going to salt the meat before we apply the rub.

For the fajitas, you will need:

Flour tortillas
1 lb or more of flank or skirt steak (I prefer skirt because it’s cheaper and tastes just as good)
2 red/yellow/orange bell peppers, seeded and cut into strips
1 green bell pepper, seeded and cut into strips
1 onion, sliced very thinly
1 serrano pepper, seeded and finely chopped
1 clove garlic, minced

1. Trim the meat of any fat you can cut off without destroying the steak. Much of it will pull off with a little encouragement from a knife. You might see silver skin on a flank steak. Make sure you remove it, as it’s very tough and can cause the meat to curl as it cooks. (You can render some fat from the bits you cut off the steaks and cook with it. It’s not good for you but delivers great flavor to French fries if you fry in a mixture of beef fat and vegetable oil.)
2. Salt the entire surface of the meat, then liberally apply the ancho chile rub.
3. Light your grill. If you’re using charcoal, make a narrow mound over which your steak can sit. If you’re using propane, you’ll need one burner cranked up to 11.
4. Meanwhile, put a heavy skillet over medium-high heat on your stove. When the skillet is hot, add about a tablespoon of olive oil and add the bell peppers and as much of the Serrano as you like. Season with salt. Cook about five minutes until the bell pepper strips are softened and a little browned.
5. Add the onions and more salt and stir thoroughly. The goal now is to cook the onions down and let them caramelize a little, which will take about 15 minutes. Stir this mixture from time to time to prevent anything from burning or sticking. When the veggies are nearly done, add the minced garlic clove and about a tablespoon of the chile mixture (assuming you have some left).
6. When the grill is ready, place the steak directly over the heat. This is direct heat cooking – cook for about two to three minutes per side, then flip, cook for two to two and a half minutes more, and take it off. You don’t want to cook either of these cuts of steak past medium or they will become tough. Let the steak rest for five minutes.
7. While the steak is resting, you’ll need to heat the tortillas. (Yes, the best tortillas are homemade, and I’ve done it many times. It takes almost an hour just to roll and cook them, never mind making the dough ahead of time and letting it rest. I haven’t had that kind of time since I joined ESPN and became a dad within a two-week span.) You have two options: You can heat them one at a time in a hot dry skillet, 20 seconds per side; or you can heat them in a stack wrapped in aluminum foil in a 300 degree oven for about five minutes.
8. Slice the steak thinly on the bias. Serve with the pepper/onion mixture and any side items you desire.

Suggested sides: I’m partial to a simple guacamole of mashed avocado, lime juice, salt, cumin, pressed garlic (the rare occasion when the use of a garlic press is acceptable), and chopped cilantro. Cotija cheese or queso fresco both play nice with fajitas. And if you really want to kick it up, try adding a little of this habanero crema:

1 cup crème fraîche
1 habanero, seeded, ribs removed, stemmed, minced finely. (Note: Do this with latex gloves on. If you handle a cut habanero with your bare hands and then touch your eyes … well, it hurt like a motherf—– when I did it with a jalapeño and I couldn’t see out of that eye for fifteen minutes. I believe a habanero is almost fifty times hotter than a jalapeño. So wear gloves.)
1/8 tsp white pepper
Pinch of salt

Combine all ingredients in a small bowl. Cover and refrigerate for at least one hour.

Mediocy in food.

So CNN runs these occasional articles on healthy eating, and they’re just about always inane, like today’s article on “food pairings.” To wit:

DO mix grilled steak and Brussels sprouts

“It’s always best to cook meat or fish at low temperatures until it’s done,” says Kristin E. Anderson, Ph.D., a cancer epidemiologist at the University of Minnesota’s School of Public Health and Cancer Center, in Minneapolis, Minnesota. “And if there are burned pieces, trim them off.”

So apparently “cruciferous” vegetables (members of the cabbage family, by and large) help the body eliminate potential carcinogens found on charred meat. That’s fine. But Dr. Anderson’s solution, don’t cook over high temperatures, is hilarious. You shouldn’t cook over high heat, so cook over low heat? So now what – no more Maillard reactions?

Here’s a tip: Don’t overcook your food. Two to three minutes over high heat gives you a nice crust and no char. Just make sure that if you invite Dr. Anderson over, you poach her steak to a nice soft gray instead of grilling it. Yum.

DON’T mix coffee and breakfast cereal

Most cereals sold in the United States are fortified with iron. … Problem is, if you sip coffee while eating your Wheaties, polyphenols, an antioxidant in coffee, can hamper the body’s ability to absorb the iron.

The article says black and herbal teas also have high levels of polyphenol. That’s as may be, but the article omits a pretty major problem: The calcium in the milk you put in your cereal has the same effect as the polyphenols, binding with the iron in the cereal and dragging it right out of your body. (Here’s a PDF version of a brief article from the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, saying the same thing in fancier terms.)

In other words, the tea I am drinking with my breakfast cereal now isn’t doing anything more than grabbing the sloppy-seconds of iron that the calcium in the milk left behind. And by the way, if you take a multi-vitamin with iron, it probably has all the iron than your body needs in a given day, so say nothing of the iron you might take in via red meat, legumes, or figs. Just don’t take a calcium supplement along with that multi-vitamin.