Mount Rapmore.

From Bill Simmons’ mailbag:

Q: If they were going to construct the Mount Rushmore of the rap industry, who would the four members be? Keep in mind that it is the four most influential people to the history of the industry, not necessarily the four best rappers.
–Adam, Hillsville, Va.

First of all, I have no idea why Adam asked Bill this instead of me. But Adam lives in some place called “Hillsville” in rural Virginia is probably still listening to his cassette version of To The Extreme, so we’ll cut him some slack.

Bill, however, gets no slack. His answers: Tupac (fine), Dr. Dre (also fine), Jay-Z (awful choice – the man can not rap), and the most overrated rapper ever, Notorious B.I.G.

B.I.G.’s legacy was preserved because he died just as he was becoming popular. He wasn’t a good technical rapper. His lyrics were beyond stupid, crude, and misogynistic, while never being particularly funny or clever. And his rise with Bad Boy Records represented the end of rap’s golden age and helped kill off West Coast gangsta-rap (although Warren G’s “Regulate” was that genre’s self-immolation moment). And maybe it’s just me, but I have never thought Jay-Z was any good as a rapper. His success mystifies me.

I don’t see how you can make any such list without including Rakim, one of the most influential rappers of all time and, I would argue, its best technical rapper, with outstanding flow and meter and plenty of inside rhymes. He’s cited as an influence by most of the best rappers of the 1990s and was revered enough in his prime to be referred to simply as the “R,” although I would be shocked if many current rap “stars” knew who he was.

And I’m also not sure how you can exclude Russell Simmons, who was a major figure in hip-hop’s formative years, co-founded (with Rick Rubin, who would be a good alternative) the first hip-hop record label, and was responsible for most of rap’s earliest cross-overs into the pop mainstream.

Honorable mention would go to Grandmaster Flash, the first rap artist inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and a highly influential rapper in early hip-hop who probably didn’t have the long-term career to merit inclusion.

Chat extras.

Since I didn’t want to get too food-y:

(1658) Steve (Tufts)
Hi Keith… been to Mistral, Strip Ts, and Something Savory all on your recommendation. You’ve earned my trust… now I’m going to Baltimore in late may for a weekend Sox series. Where in the Harbor area can/should I get some real crab cakes?

I’ve never had great crab cakes in the Harbor area. I love the crab cakes at the Clyde’s restaurants around DC, and I know they’re expanding towards Baltimore. I tried Angelina’s in Baltimore, allegedly the best in the city, but it was mediocre.

(342) Stoeten, Toronto
Keef, What the hell is on your head in the picture for this Lion in Oil interview?

It’s a bath towel for my daughter. She outgrew it a year ago.

(254) Grant (Atl GA)
Most important question of the day: what is on the menu for V-Day?

Lunch today was the last of the pork with mushroom sauce from the other day. Tonight is homemade tacos, everything from scratch but the shells. I toast and grind my own cumin seeds – night and day difference.

(2255) JP (Columbus, OH)
“Gourmet” Eddie sounds like a real food critic, I might give his advice a listen. Did he really type “sux”?

Indeed he did.

(78) Jeff (Madison)
KLAW – have you read In Defense of Food It’s a good book – seems like it would be right up your alley

I haven’t, because it doesn’t sound like a defense of food, but like a defense of the food the author wants us to eat. Sure, we should eat more fruits and vegetables, but refined grains are not evil, just something we should enjoy in moderation. And desserts without refined white flour? Come on. I don’t want whole wheat in my chocolate cake.

(387) J: (Ny, NY)
I don’t want to get into politics, but have you read either of Barack Obama’s books? Are they well written or fluff?

I have not. I assume any book written by a politician is designed to further his political career. Sure seems like it works that way.

(1299) Todd, San Diego
Keith, Have you read any of the more famous graphic novels? Stuff like Watchmen or The Dark Knight Returns?

Uh, yeah, I might have read one.

(196) Andrew (Burbank, CA)
Keith, You love to talk about novels on your chats and “The Dish”, but I was wondering if you enjoyed plays as well and if you had a favorite play/playwright. For me, “Waiting for Godot” is the finest play ever written with Samuel Beckett being the best playwright who ever lived and “Far Away” by Caryl Churchill is the best play of this young century.

Can’t read a play. Just not the same. The text was meant to be performed, and it’s best consumed that way.

Chat today.

UPDATED with link to chat page.

I’m back on the chat today, although I don’t plan for a marathon – just a quickie for Valentine’s Day.

Also, for your reading pleasure, a strong short piece over at Squawking Baseball on how it’s the government that’s broken when we’re looking to blame someone for public funding of stadia.

Ratatouille.

In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face, is that in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is more meaningful than our criticism designating it so. But there are times when a critic truly risks something, and that is in the discovery and defense of the new.

So sayeth food critic Anton Ego, brilliantly voiced by acting great Peter O’Toole in Ratatouille , the latest in a string of amazing movies from Pixar, although the same could be said by, say, a scouting-oriented baseball analyst. Failure is easy to predict in a field where failure is the norm.

Ratatouille, however, is a success, although I wouldn’t put it quite at the level of The Incredibles , my favorite of the Pixar flicks. Ratatouille revolves around two main characters: Remy, a rat and gourmet who has detailed conversations with the late Chef Gusteau (a figment of Remy’s imagination), and Linguini, an American screw-up who arrives at Gusteau’s restaurant with a letter asking for a job. The two form a partnership built on teamwork – every Pixar movie comes down to teamwork – and food, and ultimately it’s up to the two of them to save the restaurant.

Ah, the food. The star of the movie is its amazing graphics, never better than when the subject is food. The coloring in the red onions, the shadows in the giant bowl of peas, the burnish on the copper pots – every bit of it looks so real as to distract you from the fact that the movie is animated. I’m just glad they didn’t show any desserts, because I would have salivated. The cityscapes of Paris and the detail in the hair of the one female character, Collette, were also astounding.

The plot was a little bit light, with some elements too predictable. You know from the start that Linguini will have to cook for Anton Ego. You know that Linguini and Remy will be separated towards the end, although I liked the way they turned that formula around and avoided the outcome I expected. You know that Remy’s family is going to turn up to help him at some point in the movie. But the setup was clever and the writing more mature than I can remember in any Pixar movie, including possibly the first Pixar sex joke (it’s very well done), a hilarious freak-out by the head chef Skinner, and some generally strong physical comedy.

The film also offers perhaps the best Proust allusion I’ve ever seen in a movie or read in a book, with the sequence that follows the first bite taken of the dish that gives the movie its title. Substitute a madeleine soaked in lime-scented tea and you’ll have the pivotal scene from In Search of Lost Time. I also thought the closing sequence was a nod to the opening sequence of Charade , a classic Cary Grant/Audrey Hepburn film set in Paris.

Ratatouille struck one very sour note with me, though, and it nearly undermined the film. Nearly all of the voice-actors portraying French characters were not, in fact, French, but most did a passable job, particularly Brad Garrett as the late Chef Gusteau (even briefly rocking accents from Texas, Mexico, and Scotland … seriously, microwavable haggis???) and Sir Ian Holm as Skinner (which I assume is a reference to B.F. Skinner, the psychologist known for his experiments on rats). But Collette was voiced by Janine Garaofalo, and her attempt at a French accent was roughly as successful as your typical French military offensive. Was there some reason the Pixar folks didn’t go for at least a few native speakers? Audrey Tautou wasn’t available? Not only is she cute, but her voice is every bit as cute, and would have changed Collette’s role from “Linguini falls for her because she’s the only girl in sight” to “Linguini falls for her because she’s irresistibly cute.” Had Collette’s role been smaller, it wouldn’t have mattered, but she’s pivotal to the film and Garaofalo sounds like she’s making fun of a French accent, not trying to master one.

The DVD also comes with a five-minute short film titled Lifted that must not be missed.

Pork Chops with Mushroom-Rosemary Sauce.

I’m not sure if this is exactly a “30-minute meal,” but it comes together very quickly. I recommend that you brine the pork chops for at least an hour (2 cups chicken broth, 1 Tbsp salt, 1 Tbsp brown sugar, boiled, then cooled with a dozen ice cubs), but it’s not necessary.

I like to serve these by toasting thick slices of Italian or French bread, slicing the pork, then serving them like bruschetta, with the pork on the toast and the sauce poured all over the whole mess. The toast will soak up whatever sauce misses the pork as well as any juices that escape the meat.

1.5 pounds of pork chops (I used 2 boneless chops, over 1″ thick)
4 oz shiitake mushrooms, cleaned, stems removed, sliced into ¼” wide pieces
1 Tbsp minced shallot or scallion (white part only)
2 Tbsp cognac or other unflavored brandy
1 tsp Dijon mustard
1/3 cup heavy cream
2 Tbsp chopped rosemary
1 Tbsp olive or other vegetable oil

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees and place a roasting pan large enough to hold all the chops on the middle rack.
2. Season both sides of the pork chops with kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper. Reserve 1 tsp rosemary for the sauce and rub the remainder on the outside of the pork. Score the fat on the outside of the pork in three places to prevent the meat from curling in the pan.
3. Heat a heavy skillet (cast iron if you’ve got it) on the stove over high heat until seriously hot.
4. Add the oil to the skillet and as soon as you see any smoke add the chops. Sear for one minute, then flip and sear for another minute.
5. When the chops are seared on both sides, place them in the oven and roast until they reach the desired internal temperature, not past 150 degrees (“medium,” but that’s as high as you want pork to go). For tonight’s chops, this took about twelve minutes.
6. In the meantime, drain most of the fat from the skillet, leaving roughly 1 Tbsp behind. Add the shallots and mushrooms with a pinch of salt and cook with the burner off, using just the heat trapped in the pan, only restoring the flame to medium when the food stops sizzling. Sauté until the mushrooms have released most of their liquid and started to color.
7. Deglaze the pan with the cognac, turning the flame down or off to prevent ignition. Scrape the pan bottom to dissolve any browned bits (called “fond”). Cook until most of the liquid is gone.
8. Turn the heat off and add the mustard, reserved 1 tsp rosemary, cream, and salt/pepper to taste. Stir to combine and serve immediately. (If the sauce is done too soon and you need to hold it, pour it into a heatproof cup or ramekin and set it in a pot of warm water. If you leave it over the heat, it can break.)

ESPNEWS today.

I’ll be on The Hot List on ESPNEWS today at 4:20 pm EST, discussing the Bedard deal and some offseason winners and losers.

Update: There’s a clip of part of the appearance here.

The Mailbag of Malcontent, Vol. 6.

Reader Jason Price – who is unusual in that he provided his name and email address – had this to say:

You guys are queers and your “IN” articles suck. Get over yourselves… you’re beat reporters on the internet who couldn’t get a job on TV.

Let’s take this bit by bit, with Jason’s comments in bold and mine labeled as “KL.”

You guys

KL: (looks around) Um, no, just me here, thanks.

are queers

KL: I appreciate Jason identifying himself in this way from the top. And no, I’m not gay.

and your “IN” articles suck

KL: You have to pay to read Insider articles, so Jason is paying for articles he thinks suck.

Get over yourselves… you’re beat reporters on the internet

KL: I’m not sure how “beat reporter” is supposed to be an insult, but more to the point, Jason has no idea what a beat reporter is. A beat reporter works a beat, so he’s assigned a specific team (or player) and follows his target around all season, attending every game that team (or player) plays. Even the most cursory read of my articles would make it clear I don’t work a beat.

who couldn’t get a job on TV.

KL: At last count, I’ve been on TV over 130 times. So it appears that Jason is no better with a remote control than he is with a keyboard.

Of course, through all of that, Jason never bothered to say what article or articles prompted the email, so if his point was to offer some sort of meaningful criticism, he failed at that too. Excellent work, Jason!

Adam Jones.

I often check out good team-specific blogs after a big trade or signing to get a sense of what intelligent fans think of a deal, although I have to say I knew what I’d get when I went to USSMariner.com after the Bedard trade. (They’re not exactly big Keith Law fans over there, but for my money it’s one of the smartest communities out there on a team-specific blog, even if they fail to recognize my greatness.) But here’s one comment that’s worth spreading:

Teej Says:
Speaking of PECOTA, I just looked again and Adam Jones had the highest projected VORP on the team for ‘08. (Well, second, if you assume that PECOTA is wrong about Ichiro for the millionth time.) That’s incredibly depressing. We are going to struggle to score runs.

If PECOTA has Jones as the leading VORPer on the 2008 M’s, I think it’s a reasonable guess that he would have finished in the top 3 on the club. This implies that 1) Jones is really freaking good, 2) the 2008 Mariner offense is going to suck, or 3) both, which would mean I should have been even more critical of the deal than I was.

The 13½ Lives of Captain Bluebear.

Walter Moers’ The 13½ Lives of Captain Bluebear was described in a Washington Post review as “equal parts J.K. Rowling, Douglas Adams, and Shel Silverstein,” which isn’t too far off the mark. It’s a flight of fancy, a children’s book written for grown-ups, showcasing an amazingly creative mind, but a little light on storyline.

The book follows Captain Bluebear from his first memories as a tiny cub afloat on the ocean in a nutshell through his first thirteen and a half “lives” – a bluebear has twenty-seven, although these are lives in the sense of chapters of his life, rather than twenty-seven separate mortal coils – each of which is sort of a self-contained story. Most take the form of “Bluebear finds himself in a new environment, gets into trouble (generally not of his own making), and needs to escape.” There are recurring secondary characters through several of the stories, and Moers’ facility with creating both secondary characters and unusual places is incredible – for example, the Earspoonlets:

Even more innocuous and equally beneficial to society were the acoustic vampires popularly known as Earspoonlets, which lived on speech. They were little bigger than dachshunds but had hearing organs of which a young elephant need not have been ashamed. They spent most of their time lying around in public places and pricking up their ears – an extremely amusing sight. Earspoonlets were capable of storing up all they heard for months and regurgitating it before it was fully digested. Thus they were much in demand as itinerant purveyors of information of witnesses of arguments. You could easily annoy them by noiselessly opening and shutting your mouth as if talking. This made them bounce around like mad things, vainly trying to catch the words they thought they were missing.

The whole book is deliberately silly, and there’s little narrative greed to drive you towards the end – no big foozle to kill, no major question to answer, etc. It doesn’t have the relentless plot of the Harry Potter books or the cheerful nihilism of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, but instead floats along on its own absurdity. It’s a bit like empty calories, but speaking as someone who loves a rich dessert, empty calories are a perfectly acceptable part of a balanced literary diet – as long as they’re worth it.

Next up: Ian McEwan’s Atonement.

I weep for our language (part 4)…

Well, either for our language or for our system of jurisprudence …

(Source)

In her opening statement last month, prosecutor Ama Dwimoh asked jurors to reject any attempt to demonize the girl, describing her as a defenseless, innocent child who weighed only 36 pounds at her death.

“He wasn’t no daddy,” Dwimoh said of Rodriguez. “Daddies don’t blame their child for their actions. Murderers do.”

Don’t you need a basic command of English to be a prosecutor in the country’s largest municipal DA office?