A new feature here at the dish: Insulting emails from ESPN readers. Our first entry is high comedy, indeed:
Your a dousche bag if you think the Astros are not a better team than when Wade took over. POOPura ran this team into the ground and is the main reason they team was in the shape it was. Quit writing you suck at it.
Three words in and we’ve got two language errors. And there’s no argument so convincing as referring to another adult as “poop.” There’s also a severe reading comprehension problem here, since I never said that the Astros weren’t better – I’ve said that they’re not contenders, but I’m pretty confident that’s not the same thing.
And let’s not forget ol’ Spags too. Gotta love these kids…
Please don’t be like Greg Doyel, Mr. Law. Please.
Well, as long as you’re less caustic.
Keith, did you get permission from Bill Simmons to use the “Yep, these are my readers” phrase? I think he might have it copyrighted.
Don’t know who Greg Doyel is.
Tom, I couldn’t help but make that reference once. I’ll have to come up with my own tagline. I’ll take suggestions…
I think the reader was trying to us levity instead of logic. That sort of reasoning is extremely popular with huge segments of our society. I personally do not know how effective the approach is, but people still employ it.
How about “The Mailbag of Malcontent?”
Keith, I think it’s time to change the subtitle at the top of the site.
I don’t know if you ever make it onto Facebook, but there are currently three anti-Keith Law groups:
1. “ESPN sports writer Keith Law is the biggest douchebag on earth”, populated by kids who went to high school with Ben Revere. [40 members]
2. “Keith Law is a Douche Bag”, because you said that Tony LaRussa should either go to rehab or quit his job. I can’t remember if you actually said this, but it doesn’t seem that unreasonable. [24 members]
3. “Justin Morneau Is The Best Baseball Player Ever”, in response to the “worst article ever written” (your blog entry “Mauer would’ve been better choice”). [8 members]
At least you’ve got “Keith Law is my hero”, which has five members. Congratulations!
I could be wrong, but I don’t think trading a quarter of the pitching staff to get an outfielder and a shortstop who isn’t good defensively is the way to improve a team that was 12th in ERA last year and was already “Oswalt and pray for four days of rain.” They did need an offensive upgrade and got it, but I’m not sure how much that’ll help the team win with that pitching staff.
You could call this segment “Laugh Track.”
Suggestions? How about Here is what happens if you have poop-tarts for breakfast?
I think that email proposed two real questions:
One, who gave Ed Wade a computer and an email account? Two, if it was Ed Wade who sent Mr. Law that email, was I wrong to assume he would spend his winter fawning over the awe-inspiring idea of Jose Valverde nailing down 31 saves in 2008?
Apparently so.
pete – classic. I’m pretty sure that fan club group was founded by a reader who posted on this thread. (I do have a facebook entry but I don’t really use it. It’s a placeholder so that old classmates or co-workers can find me.)
I like “mailbag of malcontent.” Has a slightly Harry Potter-esque feel, which would be fitting.
It’s me; I’m the creator of the facebook group! Klaw 4 lyfe! I’m spreading the joy to the facebook world four people at a time.
Anyway, Doyel spends full CBSportsline.com columns on his hate mail–talk about wasted space. Doyel actually Googles people who send him the hate mail then makes fun of their careers or whatever else his search finds. He’s a twelve year old.
In your next choice, can you also make sure to choose one that has this level of mastery of the English language? It always makes me both happy & sad at the same time to see that people with opinions like this also spell like this.
You should respond, but only to correct his grammar. I bet that would tick him off a lot more than you actually pointing out how silly his original transmission was.
Keith,
Does it really make you feel good to point out that *gasp* some people on the internet are dumb?
Ronaldo – it’s much more about the rudeness than about the stupidity. The stupidity is sort of like the pinch of cayenne that kicks the rudeness up another notch, though.
Spell is wrong? Use the wrong grammer? Write in fragments? Anyway you say it, whether it be wrong or right, you are a large bag of Douche!
I see we’re up to 9 members now. Just 32 to go to pass the largest of the Antiklaw groups!
Keith, I hope it does not bother you that I loathe facebook more than I feel it is necessary to vindicate you. If it wasn’t such a pain in the ass to create an account etc etc. I would be there supporting you. Honest.
I need to join the “Keith Law is my hero” group. My wife signed me up for a facebook page just to boost her friend numbers.
http://www.sportsline.com/columns/story/10445427 — doyel. it’s interesting, to say the least.
I just joined and bring it up to 13.
Being I graduated high school with Keith, I can say, without question, “Your a dousche bag.”
(oh how the Smithtown school district failed me)
Keith, I love you. But seeing as how Deadspin and The Big Lead are the top two entrants in your blogroll, maybe parroting Bill Simmons is beneath you.
As a faithful reader of your work, I would respectfully submit that there is a portion of society whom does not believe you are a douche, douche bag and/or any other element of vaginal irrigation.
I’d also like to pass along my condolences to the Astros organization; as a lifelong Phillies fan, I feel your pain. With Ed Wade at the helm, your beloved team is destined for mediocrity (at best) throughout this decade and for a period of perhaps seven but no less than five years after his dismissal. Although, to be fair, the Carlos Lee contract won’t help matter much.
Ed Wade is a swell man, but as a baseball executive, his results could be measured in half lives like other radioactive disasters. He will find one or two good draft picks each year (see also: “blind squirrel”) but success in modern baseball relies on deep draft classes, a milieu which Wade is not familiar with.
The Astros will probably be better in 2008 than in 2007 although this has more to do with last year’s record than anything else. The bigger issue is whether they can contend in 2008 and I, for one, agree with Keith that they have most likely not improved enough to do so. Ed Wade has mortgaged the future to bring maybe 6 to 8 more wins to a 73-win team. I predict that by mid-2009 at the latest, Astro fans will be longing for the good ol’ days of Tim Purpura. I base this on a quick look at Ed Wade’s track record in Philly where he traded for multitudes of mediocre middle relievers (i.e. Dennis Cook, Turk Wendell and F-Rod), overpaid David Bell, Bobby Abreu and Pat Burrell among others and compounded his prior mistakes by trading the likes of Placido Polanco – because he didn’t want to admit the error of signing David Bell – for another middle reliever, Ugie Urbina. Between trading for Geary and Villereal and signing Matsui, it looks like he’s brought his Phillies game-plan with him to Houston. And, Wade defenders, please don’t try to give him credit for Rollins, Utley and Howard as we all know that scouts and Scouting Directors, not GM’s, are responsible for those picks. I actually thought that I was reading the Onion, not the Philly Inquirer, when I read that the Astros chose Ed Wade to be their GM.