Houston eats 2009.

I’ll start off with the two places that I visited on my last trip to Houston and revisited this time, but unfortunately, neither measured up. The Breakfast Klub’s biscuits were sublime and soft in ’07, but I went twice and both times got a dry biscuit that was flaky but not tender. One of the two days nothing on my EMPT plate was hot other than the potatoes. And on Saturday, the biscuit wasn’t that fresh – the line was out the door, and yet the biscuit tastes a few hours old. I don’t get it.

The restaurant inside the Inn at the Ballpark – I really like that hotel, by the way; lots of character but no kitsch – was also disappointing. Service was slow, shrimp on the shrimp BLT didn’t seem to have been fully thawed before they were cooked, the “prosciutto” on the chicken breast sandwich turned out to be American ham (which I despise), and the homemade potato chips – another highlight of my last trip – were greasy and kind of stale for both meals. The quality of the ingredients was still generally high, and they comped the chicken sandwich when I asked about the prosciutto/ham mixup even though I insisted at the time that I didn’t want them to comp the meal and was just confused about whether I’d gotten what I ordered. But it wasn’t the same as it was two years ago.

I guess I’ll start at the bottom and work my way up … I was on I-10 from San Antonio to Houston, which is roughly as populated as Montana, so I ended up grabbing a meal at Whataburger, supposedly Texas’ answer to In-n-Out. I suppose the question was, “Can we come up with a fast-food chain that’s half as good as In-n-Out which in and of itself isn’t quite as good as Five Guys?” (Insert “Yes We Can!” sound bite here.) Suitable for food emergencies.

I wanted to go to Thelma’s BBQ, just a few blocks from the hotel, but when I called to check their hours I found out that they were closed for renovations after a restaurant fire a few weeks earlier. (The message thanked people for their prayers; if people are praying for the restaurant, that must be some good Q.) The concierge at the hotel redirected me to Pappas B-B-Q, which was adequate but nothing special. The brisket was a little dry and desperately needed the sauce; the spicy rice wasn’t really that spicy; the lima beans were giant (for whatever reason I expected baby limas, one of my favorite southern dishes) and cooked to baby-food consistency. The sausage was good, but again not that spicy.

I had better Q at PitMaster BBQ in the Woodlands area a few days later. Even though Texas is brisket country, they’re known for their “Memphis-style” pork shoulder and pork ribs. I’m not entirely sure what that means, but the pulled pork was very good – extremely moist and smoky, although the rub didn’t impart much flavor. Their fried okra was just-fried and not too greasy; their baked beans were well above-average, white beans that still had some tooth with a tangy-sweet sauce that I thought had apple juice in it (I asked, no apple juice – although I think that could be a great flavor to add to baked beans). And then there was the “Texas Toast” – one thick slice of white sandwich bread, grilled on one side. If anyone knows the purpose of this, let me know. White sandwich bread is kind of a waste of wheat. Across the street from PitMaster is an “Italian-Style Ice Cream and Coffee” shop called Kremi that I would have tried if I’d had time; if anyone has a chance to check it out, I’d like a report. Houston isn’t a place in which I’d expect to find great gelato, but like my man Joaquin Andujar said, youneverknow.

Pho Saigon is a local chain of Vietnamese restaurants, and I’m not sure what to say about it. I’ve had Vietnamese food dozens of times, and it’s always the same. I don’t think I’ve ever had bad Vietnamese food – I usually go with pho or bun – and I can only think of one time I had really amazing Vietnamese food, at Pho Quyen in Pinellas Park, Florida. Pho Saigon’s bun was … the same as everyone else’s. About the only remarkable thing was that the vegetables served on the side (carrots, cucumbers, bean sprouts) were exceptionally fresh, like they’d just been sliced.

Last get was dessert – I passed a Ritters Frozen Custard on the way to see Matt Purke and banged a U-turn because, frankly, frozen custard shouldn’t be passed. Turns out that Ritters is a chain – not sure how I missed it – and, even better, they now have a location in Surprise, Arizona. The texture was absolutely amazing – that’s probably as close to perfect as you’ll find in frozen custard – and the cake batter flavor (which, I admit, freaks me out a little) was dead on. Their most popular flavor, “Turtle Something,” is a caramel custard with pieces of chocolate shell and pecans; turtle ice cream really needs fudge or some other kind of chocolate, since chocolate shell 1) is so hard that it doesn’t melt readily in the mouth and 2) isn’t really chocolate anyway.