{"id":10618,"date":"2025-02-21T12:32:16","date_gmt":"2025-02-21T17:32:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/meadowparty.com\/blog\/?p=10618"},"modified":"2025-02-21T12:32:16","modified_gmt":"2025-02-21T17:32:16","slug":"how-to-be-enough","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/meadowparty.com\/blog\/2025\/02\/21\/how-to-be-enough\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Be Enough."},"content":{"rendered":"\n

On my dormant (hopefully not extinct!) podcast, I had Dr. Ellen Hendriksen on as a guest<\/a> to discuss her first book, How to Be Yourself<\/em><\/a>, about dealing with social anxiety and the penchant many of us have for self-doubt and self-criticism. Her second book, How to Be Enough: Self-Acceptance for Self-Critics and Perfectionists<\/em><\/a>, shifts its focus to the perfectionist in most of us, if not all of us, running through enough facets of perfectionism that you\u2019re very likely to find something in here that applies to your own life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Full disclosure: I haven\u2019t met Dr. Hendriksen, but I know her brother well enough that I have stayed at his house and discussed dinosaurs with his kids.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perfectionism isn\u2019t an actual diagnosis, although it can be a symptom of or just come along with some psychological conditions, including anxiety and depression. Hendriksen makes it clear up front that she is talking about a sort of small-p perfectionism here, the sort that can show up in just about anybody, whether or not you\u2019re dealing with anything else at the same time. The little voice that won\u2019t let you forget something you did that wasn\u2019t perfect, or that won\u2019t let you try something because you might not do it perfectly? That\u2019s her target, with some easy to implement tips to get around that voice, since, if you\u2019ve heard it, you know ignoring it doesn\u2019t work. It\u2019s a narrow focus that works in the book\u2019s favor, especially since she still covers a lot of ground in a modest page count.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hendriksen begins by comparing two iconic perfectionists, Walt Disney and Fred (as in Mister) Rogers. Both were successful in their lines of work because they were so exacting, with high expectations of others and perhaps even high expectations of themselves. The difference is that Disney was, by this account, a rather miserable person, and equally miserable to be around, while Rogers remains famous for his magnanimous and empathic nature, not just on air but in his everyday life. The argument here is that Rogers was a paragon of self-acceptance and self-compassion, while Disney never learned those skills.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I certainly recognized myself in several chapters of How to Be Enough<\/em>, whether it was the way I am now or the way I was when I was younger. The way Disney and others in the book would lash out at others was definitely me earlier in my career and personal life; it took a lot of therapy and practice to accept that my own failings weren\u2019t always someone else\u2019s fault, and that others didn\u2019t have to live up to my arbitrary and often ridiculous standards, nor was it right to be rude or unpleasant even if they did do something wrong. People make mistakes. It\u2019s a platitude to say to err is human, of course, but it\u2019s not a matter of divine forgiveness to brush it off and move on; it\u2019s just being a decent person, whether it\u2019s to your colleague or some random customer service person on the phone \u2013 or to yourself, which is just as much a focus of this book as how you treat others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n