→ January 4, 2014
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Dominant Species app.

The complex board game Dominant Species has moved up into the top 20 on boardgamegeek’s global rankings despite its high cost (over $60) and one of the most intricate decision trees I’ve come across. Players represent different classes of creatures, exploring and populating the planet by placing hex tiles on the board, receiving points primarily for “dominating” specific tiles. Players have a large number of potential actions but are competing for space on the board and for priority in each type of action. You have a lot to weigh each time you choose which action to take, and the cleanup and scoring in each round also takes a lot of time and effort.

There is an app implementation of Dominant Species for iPad that gives you a fair introduction to the game for $4.99, but still leaves much to be desired. I’ll review it here for completeness, but I don’t recommend it unless you want to try the game out before shelling out for the pricey boxed game.


Evolutionary status: It’s complicated.

In Dominant Species, players will build out the game board as they go, placing different land/water tiles and also putting “element” tokens on the vertices of the hexes, then populating those tiles with their own species. The bottom line is that you want your species tokens on tiles, especially water tiles, that are surrounded by several of the element tokens you also have on your card. Each player starts with two of these element tokens, depending on which botanical class he draws, but can add more as the game goes on.

The board can change in several ways as the game evolves, with tiles changing to tundra (where most species are removed, and eventually all might be wiped out) and elements added and removed frequently. Each player has a specific element type that gives him the potential to “dominate” any tiles where that element appears and he has species, but players can also acquire new element tokens for themselves and adapt to allow them to dominate new tiles on the board. The key to the game, at least in my limited experience, is the Domination phase at the end of each round: There are five Domination spaces for action pawns, and each player who places a pawn there can choose a tile on the board to dominate, where the player who has the right elements (matching those around the tile) and has species there gets a point bonus, and may get a Domination card that gives him more points or the ability to add or remove items from the board. There’s a lot more involved – players have several action pawns to place each turn, and can acquire more as the game goes on – but those are the key points. Players can undertake less significant actions like turning a tile to tundra, claiming points and potentially removing another players’ species; migrating species from one tile to another to avoid extinction; and knocking out a single opposing species token from any tile under “competition.”

The publisher of the physical version of Dominant Species, GMT Games, chose to develop the app in-house, and unfortunately they half-assed the initial release and may have abandoned the project entirely. The AI players are poor, and a promised introduction of a harder AI player remains undone after a year. The UI is also weak, mimicking the physical game rather than taking advantage of what the tablet can offer in different graphics, animation, even stuff like replacing colored wooden cubes with, I don’t know, maybe actual animal shapes? Trying to squeeze everything on to one screen – both the game board and the action selection board – means nothing is clear, and there’s still a lot of info hidden on drop-down screens. It feels rushed and uncreative, rather than an attempt to approach the game from an entirely new perspective. And it lacks online multiplayer.

I’m guessing that playing the physical game with people who’ve played before would be fun, maybe not top 20 overall fun but with enough interaction between players to keep it interesting and social. It is probably a touch too involved for my personal tastes, and I’m still not sure I understand all of the rules regarding some of the less-used phases in each round. A better tutorial, a hard AI opponent, and improved graphics would go a long way to making the app better, and with the boxed game selling for over $60 they could use the promotional boost.

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→ January 2, 2014
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Top Chef, S11E12.

So we start by hearing how Stephanie met her boyfriend when she hired him at one of the restaurants where she works, then scheduled herself to work the line on Saturday nights so she’d always be working with him. She’s kind of a dork and I mean that in the nicest possible way.

* Nick is still pissed off at Carlos for telling the judges that Nick stole his oven, saying it’s “bush league, dude.” That, kids, is known as foreshadowing.

* Quickfire: The kitchen is overrun with giant cockroaches, but no one seems to notice because they’re all hypnotized by John Besh’s hair.

* The challenge is to make a version of crawfish (not cockroach, but close) étouffée, which is a thick stew served over rice. I’ve never had it, as my wife is allergic to all shellfish, and I don’t eat insects (yet).

* Stephanie is allergic to shellfish (crustaceans only, as it turns out), so while she’ll cook them she won’t even touch them, donning plastic gloves and using tongs to hold the critters in place. Carrie agreed to stab her in the thigh with an epi-pen if needed. Nick volunteers to taste for seasoning. I wish we’d seen more of Stephanie at work here just because it’s fascinating – how do you cook something you can’t touch or taste? She’s said before that she’s cooked crustaceans in her restaurants, but seeing how would have been instructive. And doesn’t the smell of them cooking bother her? I don’t even bring shellfish in the house any more for that very reason.

* Carlos doesn’t know what étouffée is. That’s a pretty specific bit of knowledge, though – you’d have to know or have studied Cajun/Creole cuisine. The word means “smothered,” but the Spanish equivalent, ahogado, isn’t a perfect cognate, and he doesn’t even seem to recognize the English term. I’m not defending the guy necessarily, but imagine being asked to cook something like bibimbap (a Korean dish, also with rice, served in a hot stone bowl) if you hadn’t heard of it.

* Nick appears to be using a lot of alcohol to deglaze his pan, and that’s all good with me. I may have used some Appleton Estate 4-year-aged rum to deglaze a pan of mushrooms last night.

* Brian is the only one we see talking about making stock from the crawfish shells, which seems a little obvious – crustacean shells are full of flavor, while their meat (at least the ones I’ve had) is mild and delicate. I was surprised he didn’t use a pressure cooker, though. In 45 minutes you’re not going to get all the flavor out of the shells.

* Shirley is the only person who actually cooked rice in a challenge involving a dish traditionally served over rice. She makes étouffée for her husband, often, and has tweaked her recipe often to suit his palate.

* Padma, believing she doesn’t look tall or leggy enough, is wearing vertical striped pants.

* Besh says the people who coaxed flavors from the shells did best, which we know will include Brian. Poor Stephanie’s dish was more like a bisque or soup. In addition to Brian’s dish, Besh liked Nina’s (she made fresh pasta again) and Shirley’s, a Singapore chili crab étouffée; with cucumber, egg, and scallions; she coated the rice with a “velvety” broth that had strong crawfish flavor. Shirley wins again – her third win in four quickfires.

* Elimination: Louisiana Seafood is having a party at Mardi Gras World, so chefs must create a dish highlighting at least two different types of seafood. Padma says it’s for one thousand guests … oh, she’s just kidding, it’s only two hundred. That was evil. Funny, but evil.

* Besh takes the seven chefs to his home to feed them. His home is on a bayou. I would have been walking around with a mosquito net over my entire body. He seems super nice but I still think he needs a haircut.

* Besh and his wife met in kindergarten! Is her name Topanga?

* The chefs go “shopping” in a seafood truck with tons of kinds. Nina grabs wahoo; everyone else goes to tuna and amberjack. Tuna is so overused in cuisine for me. I’m kinda over being told that seared tuna is something special. It’s too lean and dries out way too quickly at the slightest exposure of heat. Sushi, ceviche, confit all work, but even searing it just puts a dry coating on the fish.

* Carlos decides to do crudo again, even though he clearly doesn’t have the right knife (or knife skills) for it. You’re not good at that one preparation, so try something else. He asks Nick for Nick’s knife, then gets miffed when Nick doesn’t want to hand it over, completely oblivious to the part where he sandbagged Nick last challenge. Eventually, Nick caves, for what reason I have no idea. He doesn’t owe Carlos anything.

* Carrie has the only preparation that doesn’t require fresh fish, salt-curing her flounder and forming fritters by hand, which takes forever (and would be much faster with a basic disher, not to mention more even).

* Stephanie is making fried oysters (so she can eat mollusks), cooking them to order because she was afraid batch-frying would make them soggy as they sat waiting for diners to grab them. Sounds like someone actually watched Top Chef before coming on the show.

* To the dishes … Brian offers grilled swordfish marinated in yuzu koshu, shrimp and sweet onion puree, and some daikon on top. Nick does oysters three ways – oyster leek soup, an oyster/champagne emulsion, and oyster and green apple yogurt with cubed amberjack. Early returns are not favorable. Carrie does her flounder croquettes with an oyster emulsion and pickled cucumbers. Tom says she would have done great if this had been a cucumber challenge.

* Shirley makes a rather delicious-looking amberjack and tuna ceviche with aged soy, lime dressing, toasted pecans, crispy fried shallots, and cilantro. Hugh says “good food is cooked by happy people.” It makes you wonder how Anthony Bourdain ever cooked anything. Also, I want Shirley to come to my house and teach me how to cook like her.

* Nina does a marinated seared wahoo with salsa verde, tonnato (tuna) sauce, pickled veg. It’s great, yata yata yata, it’s the same food every week – Caribbean with an Italian twist. Yes, wahoo is different, but there is nothing on that plate you haven’t had a dozen times. She has a narrow niche and executes the shit out of it. I feel like she’s a lock to make the final three, but that I’d be very disappointed if she won.

* Carlos makes an amberjack ceviche with rustic peach and shrimp relish. Hugh says it needs fleur de sel on top – not salt, not kosher salt, not Himalayan pink salt, but fleur de sel. Also, Carlos massacred the fish again, this time cutting it too thinly. Stephanie made very crispy fried oysters with raw tuna and pickled beech (shimeji) mushrooms and fresnos.

* Nick finds the knife he loaned to Carlos tossed aside, still covered with (now dried) bits of raw fish. He’s pissed. Nina agrees. Carlos semi-apologizes but doesn’t seem to think it’s a huge deal. He seems like he has no concept of how other people perceive his actions.

* Stephanie with the quote of the week, telling Shirley that she’d love to walk up to Padma and say, “I love your shorts, great shoes, you have a hair out of place, please pack your brush and go.” We need her back as a guest judge in season 12. Or maybe as a color commentator. She’s on the short list of Top Chef contestants I’d most like to go drinking with.

* Judges’ table: Thank you, John Besh, for pointing out that the raw fish/ceviche thing is totally overplayed on Top Chef. I just thought it was too common, but he says it’s also safe because you didn’t run the risk of ruining the fish by cooking it. Either way, amen – and I say that as someone who loves a good crudo. The judges praise Nina, Shirley, Brian, and Stephanie, and they stomp all over Carlos (couldn’t taste the fish), Nick (just flat, lacked acidity), and Carrie (totally lost the fish in the fritter).

* Top three: Stephanie, Nina, and Brian. Everyone loved Stephanie’s salad, which made the dish lighter. It’s so funny – I could hear the judges killing her for making fried oysters in “the land of fried oysters,” except that she fried them so well that they ended up praising the dish. It’s a fine line. Brian’s sauce seems to be hte reason he’s here. Nina’s spice & cure really good, and she gets points for using wahoo and for “big flavors.”

* Stephanie wins, and says, “I’m gonna puke!” Just maybe not in front of John Besh, okay?

* Bottom three: Nick, Carrie, and Carlos. Carrie’s croquette was perfectly executed, but hid the fish. Tom is clearly mad she didn’t highlight it. It also feels like a waste – few people ever get access to fish that fresh, and she treated it like a Basque sailor preserving cod for the six-month voyage home. Carlos’ ratio of peach/shrimp salsa to fish was way too high. Nick’s dish was too complex; Hugh disliked its texture (too soft) and lack of acidity, while the amberjack appeared to be just thrown in (per Besh). I think Nick’s also suffering a little from the dwindling number of chefs, where earlier in the competition a dish that involved would have landed him in the middle.

* Carrie goes home. Tom seemed completely convinced she had to go, and I don’t think the other judges ever overrule him when he’s like that. Padma says, “I’m gonna miss her in the kitchen.” The show did get a lot less cute with her departure, but Carrie peaked early and couldn’t hold it.

* LCK: Louis versus Carrie in battle broccoli, a nod to Carrie’s flop from the previous episode’s elimination challenge. She does a roasted broccoli-filled ravioli that sounds amazing, but Louis does broccoli three ways and nails all three of them. He was even kind enough to tell me on Twitter what he did with the stalks. I’ve only roasted them in the oven till slightly soft and caramelized, then pureed them with a little vegetable stock to make a soup, finishing it with a little (I mean a little, maybe 1 Tbsp per batch) cream, some lime juice, a drizzle of EVOO and maybe some fresh herbs like dill. That’s good – it’s essence of broccoli – but a little one-note if you start making it often.

* The rankings: Shirley, Nick, Louis (LCK), Nina, Stephanie, Brian, Carlos. Stephanie’s making a late run and I love it – she has the creativity but needs the confidence to execute. I’m much more interested in what she’ll make next than I am in what Nina will make next.

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→ December 31, 2013
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Suburbia iPad app.

Unrelated to Suburbia – the death yesterday of School of Seven Bells founder Ben Curtis at age 35 (of lymphoma) spurred me to look back at my rankings of the top songs of 2012 and create a fresh Spotify playlist with a few extra tracks. Their haunting song “The Night” is on the list.

—

The boardgame Suburbia ranks in the top 100 on Boardgamegeek, with a combination of city-building mechanics and economic planning where what you do early in the game impacts how many points you can rack up late in the game. It’s reminiscent of more complex games like Agricola and Caylus in that respect, but with simpler gameplay and less direct interaction because players have more ways to change their plans on the fly. I’ve been playing the Suburbia iPad app for the last two weeks, and I enjoy the game itself but have found the app’s AI options way too weak to make the app replayable.

In Suburbia, between two and four players compete to build the most populated suburb around a central city by placing building tiles that are available for purchase in a common market. Each hex tile has specific costs and benefits. The benefits can include increases in income, population, or reputation; one-time cash infusions; or long-term effects that depend on what other tiles are adjacent to the hex, or in the same suburb, or in all suburbs combined. The costs include money but can also include a loss of income, population, or reputation, which may depend on what else is around. Place an industrial tile next to a residential one and you’ll lose reputation points because of pollution. Place tiles around a lake (free to add) and you’ll get extra cash.

The tile interactions are one of two keys to racking up large populations. You can’t do everything in your suburb, so it pays to concentrate early on one or two specific areas or tile types and try to build your income or population more quickly through synergies between tiles. You can add a farm or two, and then if you add restaurant tiles later they will be even more valuable. There are also tiles that include penalties for laying other tile types – if you add a high-end restaurant, adding a fast food restaurant afterwards will cost you an income point. The game’s tutorial suggests concentrating on income early and population later, as there are income and reputation hits built into the system when your population crosses certain thresholds.

The other scoring key lies in the various goals set out each game, 10 to 20 point bonuses for reaching specific milestones such as having the fewest office buildings or earning the highest income per turn. Four of these goals are visible and available to all players. Each player also receives one goal specific to him/her, not visible to other players, but that still requires beating all other players in that category to win it. Some goals even work against the main objective of maximizing your population, such as having the fewest residential tiles of any suburb. Without these goals, the game would be kind of boring because it would be so simple and too reliant on the central tile market, which uses the common mechanic of making two tiles available for free and all others in the queue more expensive, shifting them to the right as tiles are removed.

The app itself looks slick, with bright, clear graphics that allow you to read the costs and effects of each card easily. I only had one issue with stability, which occurred when I tried to use the game’s save feature – I couldn’t resume the game and had to kill the app process entirely to start a fresh one, which I guess is a pretty significant bug but wasn’t my main issue with the app. The AI players are terrible: you have your choice of five, and can use up to three of them (but can’t reuse any), and they’re all a little dim. They don’t plan well, which I imagine is a difficult issue for coding AI players, but they also miss obvious short-term moves or take actions that clearly reduce their chances to gain points. If I go first, I can beat the AI players just about every time. Going fourth of four reduces my chances a little, but I’m also a novice player and should get more of a challenge than this. I’m hoping that the expansion, Suburbia Inc., becomes available as an in-app purchase, and that the developers use that as an opportunity to introduce some harder computer players.

I’m due for an update to my top iOS boardgame apps rankings, but will review the Dominant Species app later in the week before I do the final list.

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→ December 29, 2013
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The Count of Monte Cristo.

I’ve been lax in book blogging lately, between year-end lists and a run of longer reads (a few of which were duds) and the mystery/detective novels I don’t review unless it’s by an author I haven’t discussed before. The one loooong read that’s worth a mention here is Alexandre Dumas’ (père, which I won’t mention again because it’s not like anyone remembers anything his son wrote) The Count of Monte Cristo, which surpassed Gone with the Wind as the longest novel I’ve ever read. It’s on the Bloomsbury and Guardian top 100 lists, and while it didn’t have the same chewy center as Dumas’ The Three Musketeers, it was still a fun and surprisingly rapid read.

Edmond Dantes is the Count of the title, although as the story opens he’s just an amiable young sailor, about to marry the girl of his dreams and earn a big promotion on the boat where he works, all of which pisses off his two main rivals in love and at sea. Those two conspire with a third man to ruin Dantes by a letter falsely accusing him of treason, which, thanks to a corrupt prosecutor looking to save his own hide, lands Dantes in a notorious prison, jailed without trial or even knowing the charge, with no hope of release or leniency.

After fourteen years in captivity, Dantes manages an escape (one of the book’s highlights), finds great wealth via his only friend in prison, and resurrects himself as The Count of Monte Cristo. This mysterious saint-like figure has infinite wealth and uses it to spare people in need, many of whom fail to recognize their former friend or rival after his long absence and changed appearance. Now 33, the Count plays the longest con of all, plotting to ruin the lives of the men who tried to ruin his and mostly succeeded. Over the course of maybe 300,000 words, about the length of three typical novels, Dantes lays elaborate traps for the three men most responsible for his plight, but, as you’d expect, runs into a few unforeseen complications that provoke introspection and self-doubt to let Dumas pad the ol’ word count a little further.

A superficial read of The Count of Monte Cristo as the mother of all revenge stories (which, by the way, is based on the true story of a Frenchman who did a lot of what Dantes did, just without all the cash) would still be time well spent. Dumas had the knack for building tension without seeming false, then providing huge, satisfying resolutions that are plausible within the confines of the story. If you accept the premise of Dantes obtaining an endless supply of money, then much of what comes afterwards is surprisingly realistic for a novel of the romantic/traditional period. Dumas paints the three targets as awful people, and you’ll find yourself rooting for him to give them what for. Even when there’s collateral damage, Dantes endeavors to make things right – money allows a vengeful man to be more precise – to keep the reader happy that no women or children will be unduly harmed in the reading of this novel.

Of course, you could also wring enough symbolism out of this book to send the Seine spilling over its banks, staring with Dantes himself coming back from the dead – or a stone crypt of sorts – at age 33, just like Jesus Christ. Dantes even believes himself to be sent by God, or an instrument of God to spread good fortune to those who deserve it and to crush those who would do or have done evil in the past (to him, that is). He’s not Jesus, but he’s Jesus-like, in the literary sense, which I imagine has been fodder for countless term papers and college theses.

Dantes is not perturbed by the thought of being used by a benevolent Deity to bring ill fortune or even death on those who have done others harm until after he’s nearly completed his scorched-earth campaign from Provence to Paris. He even acquires a coterie of servants and acolytes and helps them obtain revenge they were unaware they could achieve, again with little thought to whether these acts were, in themselves, evil, or at least un-Christian. The twisted theology of the Count, coupled with his monomaniacal pursuit of vengeance, might have rendered him more insane than saintly; there is no potential for forgiveness or a commutation of the sentences Dantes plans to deliver. Even though the men who wronged him don’t deserve clemency and continue to act without regard for the well-being of others, Dantes goes way too long – years, at least – before experiencing anything like remorse for his own ruthlessness in smiting his enemies.

I wouldn’t say I’m likely to reread the book, but it might be a more fruitful read to consider it as Dantes’ search for meaning, the development of his own philosophy of life. He enters the prison believing he knows all that matters, and leaves it full of practical knowledge but emotionally void other than his wish for vengeance. Through years of wealth, of making others’ dreams come true, of ruining lives that were probably worth ruining but also ruining a few others in the process, the Count arrives at a very different mental state than the one he held at the start of the book. He never monologues but does offer hints at his newfound philosophical leaning, such as:

“There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more.”

There’s some ambiguity in the end of The Count of Monte Cristo, but with hints that Dantes intends to retire from public life, in a somewhat monastic sense, which would provide a clever parallel to his time in prison, where he was deprived of almost everything except for the companionship of the abbe in the next cell. Dumas recognizes that you can’t bring a life full circle because Dantes can’t undo all the damage done. Instead, he gives Dantes satisfaction enough to sail off into the novel’s sunset, unfulfilled emotionally but at least bearing the pride of a twenty-year-old task completed.

* Two wonderful quotes about food from this book, the first describing what we know recognize as umami, the “fifth taste” found in foods high in glutamates:

“Tell me, the first time you tasted oysters, tea, porter, truffles, and sundry other dainties which you now adore, did you like them?”

And the second, a serious line that reads as a joke now, one that could only have been penned by a Frenchman:

“condemned to partake of Italian cookery—that is, the worst in the world.”

* Euphemisms for death abound in every language, and, along with euphemisms for sex, show tremendous creativity. Dumas offers one I hadn’t seen before, with one character asking if anther has “paid the last debt of nature?”

* I mentioned reading a few duds that didn’t merit writeups. Two were from the Bloomsbury list – Herman Hesse’s Narcissus and Goldmund, a fable about two men who choose widely divergent paths in search of enlightenment, and Arnold Bennett’s The Old Wives’ Tale, a romantic (in the traditional sense) novel about two sisters with widely divergent personalities who live separate, different lives but end up in the same place. I also read Anne Tyler’s Pulitzer Prize-winning novel Breathing Lessons, which is just a bad Richard Russo book. Next up: Sophie’s World: A Novel About the History of Philosophy, a 1991 book by Jostein Gaarder.

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→ December 20, 2013
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iOS games on sale.

There are a number of iOS boardgame apps on sale right now through Christmas (and sometimes beyond), so rather than tweet a bunch of links I figured I’d list the ones I recommend here. If you’re looking for recent content, my Top Chef recap went up Thursday night and contains links to everything I’ve written this week.

  • Small World 2, on sale for $4.99 right now. I love this game and app and gave the pre-update version a very positive review.
  • Reiner Knizia’s Tigris & Euphrates, just $0.99 right now, as are all Codito titles except Puerto Rico. I liked this one from the start, but the update to the graphics earlier this year made it much easier on the eyes.
  • Le Havre, also $0.99 as it’s another Codito title. It’s from the designer of Agricola but brings in elements of Caylus; I think it’s the most complex boardgame I’ve ever played, and it works way better in an app version than it did tabletop because of all of the pieces involved. My review from June 2012 is from the original release.
  • Agricola, down to $4.99 from $6.99, but now with the I and K card decks available as in-app purchases. If you haven’t played the physical game, those decks come standard and offer a lot more occupations and opportunities for interaction with other players. You can read my review of the base game from July.
  • Caylus – Big Daddy’s Creations, down to $2.99 from $4.99. My original app review came before some minor bug fixes, and this probably still has the best, brightest graphics of any game app in the field.
  • Baldur’s Gate: Enhanced Edition – Beamdog, down to $6.99. It’s not a board game, but a classic RPG that has been adapted to iOS. I’ve played and reviewed it; it’s very good, especially after a recent update included many of the features that originally appeared in the Throne of Bhaal sequel to BG2.
  • Sid Meier’s Pirates!, down to $0.99. Also not a boardgame, just another PC classic ported to iOS. My original review is from September of 2011; I liked it, but didn’t love it, because it becomes monotonous after an hour or two – but you’ll get your 99 cents’ worth.
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→ December 20, 2013
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Top Chef, S11E11.

It’s been a busy writing and podcasting week for me; here’s what I’ve spit out in the last three days:

We start with the usual stew room footage. Nina has some mouth on her. She might swear more than all the boys combined.

* ?uestlove in the house, hairpick included. He says he’d fly to any corner of the earth to try a new food. Fried drumsticks were part of a signature dish at Hybrid, his Manhattan restaurant that closed last month. The chefs have thirty minutes to prepare a dish with any of the various kinds of drumsticks on display. A drumline marches in with a giant cart of drumsticks from at least five different fowl. Winner gets immunity.

* There’s a ridiculous mad dash for the various proteins. Why not just draw knives? Instead we get drumsticks on the floor and bruised egos. Nick seems dismayed to get quail, but I’d love that – they cook fast, at least, although there’s not a lot of meat on one leg.

* Stephanie gets turkey legs and says, “I see a very specific stall at Disney world where people just mow down on them.” I have been one of those people. Meanwhile, Nina gets guinea hen, and is making grilled jerk chicken. She’s gone outside of Caribbean cuisine maybe twice all season, for gnocchi.

* Shirley’s duck legs fry too fast – you can see the meat has started to dry out even on TV.

* Stephanie: “nothing could be grosser than medium rare turkey.” Well, maybe rare turkey, but point taken.

* Carlos is trying to cut a goose leg bone with a chef’s knife, and keeps going despite a total lack of progress. Sisyphus told me he thought that looked frustrating.

* Carrie does squab legs marinated in thyme, cayenne, and cocoa powder with a fig mostarda. I’m not sure I’ve ever had a mostarda, and now I’m wondering why not as it sounds awesome – a sort of quick jam of dried fruit, sugar, dry mustard, and wine (or just essential oil of mustard). Anyway, I’m spoiling this a bit, but she ends up winning, and Nina gives her the stinkeye across the kitchen.

* For completeness – the least favorites were Nick’s oversalted quail, Justin’s boring/uncreative drumettes, and Carlos’ overcooked goose. Beside Carrie and Nina, Brian was in the favorites group for a soup that included cracklins.

* Elimination challenge: Feed 500 incoming freshmen at LSU in the school kitchen. Winner gets a RAV4. They stay in the dorms that night. I have enough bad dreams about being in college and forgetting to go to class, or choosing not to go to class again without telling anyone, or the usual “show up for the exams without going to class all semester” stuff. I don’t need to stay in a dorm and trigger more. Anyway, I do love going to LSU for baseball games – the atmosphere is incredible.

* Stephanie is my go-to girl for money quotes: “Every memory of living in the dorm is coming back to me.” Turns out she went to boarding school, which she implies is because her parents were wealthy (since she says it wasn’t about behavior). Meanwhile, Carrie doesn’t know how to make a bed. How is that possible? Okay, her husband does it – I do a lot of the laundry around here too – but she never learned as a kid?
* The mad-dash setup from the Quickfire is here too – there are eight stations and a pantry of ingredients, so chefs are calling dibs on stations and fighting for ingredients. Why not set up a draft: order them 1 to 8, pick stations in that order, then go 8 to 1 for proteins or other main ingredients? Any system would be better than this.

* Shirley claims the plancha (flat-top grill), then Carlos whines enough to convince her to give it up and take the wood-fired oven, which no one else wanted. This, kids, is known as foreshadowing…

* By the way: No one wants the wood-burning oven? Really? Hottest spot in the kitchen. You ever have a burger cooked at 1000 degrees Fahrenheit? It’s incredible. You can do stuff in that oven faster than in any gas or electric oven or on any other cooking surface.
* Nick is stirring a giant swimming pool of grits like he’s piloting a gondola through them. I’m pretty sure Homer Simpson had that dream once.

* Justin gives a rant about how he doesn’t “think it’s ever a good idea to cook down to people,” but then says that college students probably like chicken tenders and mac and cheese, so he’s talking down to them instead of cooking down to them. This is another example of foreshadowing.

* Carrie got the cold station and makes a cold broccoli salad with yogurt dressing. I like broccoli, but it looks like she barely cooked it. Why not do an elaborate salad if you want to go veg and have to keep everything cold and would maybe like to win a car?

* Nina is in the weeds, which is unusual for her, blaming part of her problem on the lack of an industrial blender. Maybe she could have taken that into consideration before deciding to do a giant corn puree.

* Carrie is getting virtually no takers, and says (half-jokingly), “it’s not my fault the kids are stupid and don’t eat their broccoli.” Well, they’re not stupid if they won’t eat that broccoli.

* Carlos is falling behind after claiming the plancha and now thinks he should also have the ovens. Pretty soon he’ll just claim the car and complain if the other chefs won’t give it to him.

* And the dishes … this is getting easier to write as the number of chefs dwindles: Shirley does roast beef with potato puree and fire-roasted tomato relish, making good use of the wood-fired oven; Nina does buttermilk once-fried chicken with sweet corn puree and pickled onions, but the breading keeps falling off and she can’t keep up with demand for the corn; Brian makes a shrimp cake with spinach on top and a chipotle aioli (using storebought mayo?) underneath. Shirley and Brian score well, but Nina’s fried chicken fares worse for the above reasons plus the corn puree making the breading soggy.

* Nick serves rosemary roasted pork with parmesan grits and a bacon brown sugar gravy; Carrie serves that marinated broccoli salad with herbed yogurt sauce; Justin does a marinated gulf shrimp with cauliflower, asparagus, and garlic puree. Justin’s apparently had less flavor than wallpaper paste and no one could identify the puree.

* Stephanie’s spicy tomato soup with pimento cheese sandwich is undone because she served the sandwiches already dipped in the soup, which made them soggy by the time they reached the table; Carlos’s seared tilapie with chile ancho and Mexican slaw plays second fiddle to his fifteen-minute delay and his claim to the judges that Nick stole his ovens. Nina is pissed off, and Nick refusees to believe it at first.

* In “the kill room” (thanks, Steph), everyone goes after Carlos for saying that to the judges. He apologizes, but it’s one of those “I’m sorry I got caught” apologies I get from daughter. He knew what he was saying.

* Judges’ table: Brian and Shirley get raves. Carlos’ flavors were great but service took too long. Justin and Nina get crushed, as does Carrie, who might have gone home had she not had immunity.

* Top three: Shirley, Brian, and Carlos. Brian’s was the most popular with the students, but Shirley wins the challenge, I think in part for looking at the pizza oven as (Tom’s words) “just an oven.” That’s a car and a $10,000 air conditioner for Shirley.

* Bottom: Stephanie, Nina, and Justin. Nina failed twice over – a lot of students didn’t get the corn, but it also made the fried chicken a little soggy. Stephanie used too much cottage cheese (Steph says it was feta) that made the sandwich’s texture inconsistent, plus it disintegrated in the soup. Justin tries to brag about going high-end (too “cheffy” per Gail), but he didn’t understand the audience and didn’t get enough flavor in the dish. I wonder if he still thinks as little of college students’ palates as he did when the show started.

* Nina does the false modesty act in the stew room, saying “it was a pleasure working with you all” as if she’s already been eliminated. She’s not quite the villain the producers want, but she might be the best they’ve got.

* Justin is eliminated, as Tom says it was the worst dish out of all eight, period. Hard to argue given what they said before – it had to be him or Stephanie, and I’m not sorry to see him go after his act in Restaurant Wars.

* LCK: I’ve been trying not to comment on Janine’s looks, but she was wearing a little pink sundress in this episode that was so short that at first she couldn’t sit on the high peanut gallery chairs. The challenge, meanwhile, was to cook with a basket of ingredients from the other chef’s current hometown, so Justin from NorCal, Louis from Louisiana. Justin does a grilled sardine with corn vinaigrette and fresh herbs, chooses not to use crab or grapes. Louis does a redfish almondine with corn puree and crawfish sauce, didn’t use peaches or rabbit. Justin slightly overcooked his sardine – it did catch on fire at one point – so Louis gets the W. His dish seemed more creative anyway.

* Rankings: Nick and Shirley remain the clear 1-2 for me. After that, I’d probably go Carrie, Louis (in response to one of your queries, it’s time to work in the current LCK leader), Nina, Brian, Carlos, Stephanie. I don’t think Nina has the breadth to hold on till the finale – it’s the same basic formula over and over – and the bottom three chefs all seem capable of some self-sabotage. Even Carrie feels like a soft pick at 3, as she coasted on her immunity this week.

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→ December 18, 2013
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Top 100 songs of 2013.

Last year I discovered (for myself, that is) enough good new music to do my first serious annual music ranking, listing my top 40 songs of 2012, a list that I originally intended to just go to 20 titles but that kept expanding as I kept writing and exploring. This year, I started the exploring a little sooner, and also ended up on a few promotional lists that exposed me to even more new stuff, so by midyear it was very clear to me that I’d have more than enough songs to get to 100. I had over 150 candidates if you count all of the album tracks I liked enough to consider, but forced it down to 100 (which didn’t work out that well, as you’ll see shortly).

As with my list of the top albums of 2013, this list is my personal preference. If I don’t like a song, it’s not here. That wipes out some critically-acclaimed artists entirely, including Daft Punk, Haim, Vampire Weekend, Deafheaven (and please, people, death metal and black metal are not the same thing), Rhye, the Lumineers (more like Ho Hum), American Authors, James Blake, Foxygen, Majikal Cloudz, Phosphorescent, Jason Isbell (I just do not like country music), and My Bloody Valentine. Other folks liked that stuff. I didn’t.

Some songs that were among the last ones I cut from my list, in no particular order, looking just at artists that didn’t make it: Birds of Tokyo – “Lanterns;” Midlake – “Antiphon;” Harrison Hudson – “Curious;” Cumulus – “Do You Remember;” Young Galaxy – “Pretty Boy;” The 1975 – “Chocolate;” Blondfire – “Waves.” The last two got the axe for lyrics too stupid for me to abide. I’ve mentioned several other songs I liked, but not enough to get them into the top 100, within the comments below.

I’m going to start with two extra tracks that were the final two cuts from the list, ones I actually wrote up at first before realizing I’d forgotten two other tracks that belonged on here.

Wild Nothing – Dancing Shell. One of my biggest misses from my 2012 list was Wild Nothing’s Nocturne, which I picked up in January on the recommendations of several readers and loved for its dream-pop leanings with experimental twists – but with more guitar than most bands in this subgenre employ. “Dancing Shell” is more dance/electronic than straight-ahead rock but showcases the creativity of Jack Tatum, who records all of Wild Nothing’s music himself, with other members joining him just for live shows. His 2013 EP wasn’t as good as Nocturne but including this song lets me mention again how badly I whiffed by not including the album on my list from last year.

Ejecta – Jeremiah (The Denier). A side project for Neon Indian’s keyboardist Leanne Macomber, Ejecta offers spacey electro-pop, although I think they’ve received more press for their debut album’s cover, which features a nude Macomber posing as if one of the great Renaissance masters was about to paint her. That might just be overshadowing the music, which has the early-80s New Wave leanings of most electro-pop but pairs it with Macomber’s languorous, breathy vocals to temper its brightness. “It’s Only Love” is also worth checking out.

And now, to the top 100. This entire list, including both of those bonus tracks, is available as a Spotify playlist, in order. Amazon and iTunes links go to full albums, where you can just buy the specific song I mentioned (this reduced the number of links I had to create).
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→ December 17, 2013
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Top 13 albums of 2013.

This year was so fertile for new music that, for the first time, I felt like I heard enough records I liked to put together a ranking of my favorite albums of the year. The expansion of Spotify’s catalog didn’t hurt, as now I didn’t have to own every album (or pirate them, which I won’t do) to review them, and I’ve received a few of these via publicists or record labels, including the albums at 4, 5, and 6.

This list represents my personal preferences. The omission of some critically-acclaimed albums, like those from the National, Vampire Tweekend, Daft Punk, and Haim, is deliberate. I don’t like ’em, ergo, they’re not here. The same goes for Mercury Prize winner James Blake, who wasn’t even the best solo male artist nominated for the award this year. If you’re looking for alt-J’s An Awesome Wave, that was my favorite album of 2012, as it was released in the U.S. last September.

I’ll post my top 100 songs of the year on Thursday, and mention in each review how many tracks from that album will appear on that list.

13. Teeth of the Sea – Master. (amazon • iTunes)Part of me isn’t even sure why I’m putting a record I don’t even fully understand on this list; like Field of Reeds from These New Puritans, Master is aiming for something well beyond the scope of what I enjoy and appreciate in modern music. While plenty of electronic acts earned airplay and mainstream plaudits in 2013, I don’t think anyone produced anything as ambitious within that subgenre as Teeth of the Sea did here, creating a dark, immersive record that at times seemed to draw more inspiration from symphonic death metal (like a vocal-free Hollenthon) than it did from the heart of current electronica. The record placed one song on my top 100, but that’s in part of a function of the album working better as a whole than in singles.

12. Frank Turner – Tape Deck Heart. (amazon • iTunes)Turner’s brand of punk-folk, or whatever it is, is incredibly endearing mostly because he seems to cram more lyrics into each minute than Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell spat out in His Girl Friday. It’s the kind of album that should be enjoyed along with two fingers of your favorite distilled spirit, or a pint of a good, not-too-cold Irish or English beer, even though the album’s best song is about the difficulty of drying oneself out. Turner hides nothing, and his writing skills lie in his ability to translate sadness and hurt into darkly humorous lyrics. The album placed one song on my top 100.

11. Wooden Shjips – Back to Land. (amazon • iTunes)Can I just pronounce this “Wooden Shyips?” Because that’s what I want to do every time I see their name. Like Teeth of the Sea, Wooden Shjips are better consumed as a whole disc than as individual singles, here because everything is good and nothing stands out in a huge way from the album’s mean. They get the “psychedelic” tag a lot, although I think some of that is just because they use a Hammond organ, but it’s guitar-driven rock with extended song structures and maybe a little too much reverb in the vocals. It might be more fair to think of them as a jam band that keeps things tight on record. It didn’t place any songs on my top 100, with “Ruins” my favorite track because it sounds like a party’s about to break out in the studio.

10. Carcass – Surgical Steel. (amazon • iTunes) I actually don’t listen to much metal, let alone extreme metal variations, with the exception of melodic death metal – very fast, heavy music with lyrics that are often screamed rather than sung, but with tremendous technical musicianship and actual melodies that require a little work to find but that provide balance for music that can be brutal and intense. Carcass was probably the progenitor of the subgenre but hadn’t released any new material since 1996’s disappointing Swansong, but their comeback album this year, Surgical Steel, is a true return to form but with a newer maturity, including tighter song structures and lots of allusions to their heyday as grindcore pioneers. Other metal albums I liked from 2013: Children of Bodom’s Halo of Blood, Trivium’s Vengeance Falls, Born of Osiris’ Tomorrow We Die Δlive, and Týr’s Valkyrja.

9. Naked and Famous – In Rolling Waves. (amazon • iTunes) The sophomore album from this New Zealand act is more lush than their debut, giving lead signer Alisa Xayalith more room to sing rather than shouting vocals over louder, heavier music as she had to do on their first two hits, “Young Blood” and “Punching in a Dream.” It’s a more serious album, with slower builds and more modest payoffs, weaving textures rather than building off giant hooks – if anything, the catchier tracks are among the album’s weaker ones, except for lead single “Hearts Like Ours” and the duet “The Mess.” I don’t award points for a band making progress per se, but the result here of the band maturing from a shorter singles-oriented sound to a more ambitious overall sound made it among the year’s best discs. The album placed one song on my top 100.

8. Arcade Fire – Reflektor. (iTunes • iTunes) I’ve had multiple readers ask me if I’ve changed my mind on this album since giving it a middling review about a week after its release, which I find strange mostly because … well, is it that important that I like the album? I don’t pretend my opinion means anything beyond giving you guys something to read and talk about, so I don’t think the fact that I found this album disappointing is such a big deal. I loved The Suburbs, but Reflektor went so far in the opposite direction – bloated song times, pretentious lyrics, too few musical ideas – that I couldn’t help but feel let down. LCD Soundsystem’s James Murphy, himself known for songs about twice as long as they needed to be, produced the album, and he was probably the wrong choice for a band that can’t rein itself in. This was a good album relative to other releases this year, but it could have been so much better. The album placed three tracks on my top 100.

7. Jake Bugg – Shangri La. (amazon • iTunes) I whiffed on Bugg’s self-titled debut album for last year’s list; the album came out last October and I didn’t hear anything of it until well into 2013. I’ve caught up now, as Bugg’s second album came out in November and features more of the same Dylanesque sound, but better, including the punkish “What Doesn’t Kill You?,” the rockabilly opener “There’s a Beast and We All Feed It,” and the shuffling ballad “Me and You,” itself a late cut from my top 100. Bugg is just 19 and has only begun to scratch the surface of what could be an enormous career as Dylan’s spiritual heir. The album placed one track on my top 100.

6. Polvo – Siberia. (amazon • iTunes)The second post-breakup (and post-reunion) album from these 1990s noise-rock cult heroes might be their best effort yet, packing plenty of weirdness into its eight tracks but never losing the plot. It’s heavy on twin guitars, even though they often sound like they might not be playing the same song, and the lyrics are trippy if you like them and nonsense if you don’t. I particularly like how the album feels heavy without being loud or extreme, an example of where modern metal often goes wrong; you don’t need to sing like Cookie Monster to create the impression of weight. The album placed two tracks on my top 100.

5. St. Lucia – When the Night. (amazon • iTunes) One of the best debut albums of the year and one of its best pure-pop records, When the Night is the first effort from the South African-born New York native Jean-Philip Grobler, who has remixed many better-known artists and produced the debut album from HAERTS. St. Lucia’s sound is sweet synth-pop with global influences in the rhythm and percussion sections, along with a detour into darker electronic sounds on one of the album’s best tracks, “September.” Grobler occasionally veers too far into twee territory but the album has more than enough moments of balance, placing three tracks on my top 100.

4. Drenge – Drenge. The self-titled debut from these two English brothers actually isn’t out yet in the U.S., which is one of the stupidest policies left in the digital age. Why would any movie, record, or book publisher stagger release dates internationally? Ones and zeroes know nothing of your national borders. If you don’t want to encourage piracy, release everything on the same day across the world. Drenge’s album is on Spotify and I received a promo copy in November, so you can listen to it before its early 2014 release here, and it’s well worth it, with a slew of high-energy guitar/drum songs that show influences from each of the last four decades, going back to early Black Sabbath and running up through the White Stripes. The record placed three tracks on my top 100.

3. Savages – Silence Yourself. (amazon • iTunes) This was my album of the year until September, when the two albums higher on this list both came out, and still wins the prize of the year’s angriest album. The all-female quartet known as Savages have produced a short eleven-track masterpiece of seething and indignation, led by French singer Jehnny Beth’s punctuated style that has her practically spitting the words at the undeserving audience. The music is post-punk in its original sense – Suicide, Television, Gang of Four – not pop, even though songs like “She Will,” “Shut Up,” and “Strife” boast strong hooks. The album placed two tracks on my top 100.

2. CHVRCHES – The Bones of What You Believe. (amazon • iTunes) The debut of the year was a little uneven in spots but so exultant during most of its length that it feels captious to point out its flaws. Singer Lauren Mayberry is an emerging star, one whose future probably goes beyond the electro-pop confines of this record and perhaps the band in general, but for now the Scottish trio has crafted the year’s best pop record, with five tracks on my top 100 and one that was in the set that just missed.

1. Arctic Monkeys – AM. (amazon • iTunes)Their best album since their debut, but with all that several years of maturity and musical meandering incorporated into a disc that brings an enormous range of influences to produce the year’s most compelling and most complete experience. Turner has long been one of rock’s most clever wordsmiths, but took his form of snarky-witty modern beat poetry to new heights on AM. The album placed five songs on my top 100 and could have placed two more, plus one track, “R U Mine?” that appeared on the 2012 list because it was released as a one-off single.

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→ December 16, 2013
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Homeland, season three.

I’ve joined the chorus of complaints about season three of Homeland since September, which is in large part a reaction to how amazing the first season was, but also how far the show has shifted not just in direction but in theme since that point. Tonight’s season-ender had more of the usual nonsense – absurd plotting and convenient coincidences that required more suspension of disbelief than a Uri Geller show – about which you should all feel free to rant in the comments.

I have one specific thought that made me want to weigh in after watching tonight’s show. For me, Homeland didn’t go off the rails this year, neither at the beginning nor in episode four when the first Big Reveal took place. I think the fundamental shift in the show took place in the middle of season two, when the writers chose to go from a show about facing an ill-defined, largely unknown, inbound threat to U.S. security to a show about outbound activities like attempting an internal coup d’état inside one of our strongest enemies. That sea change necessitated two adjustments in the direction of the show, both of worked very strongly against its success and defied what made the first season so compelling:

• It altered the tenor of the tension of each episode, reducing it while also narrowing its scope. In season one, the threat was global: The U.S. is going to be attacked, at some point, by unknown persons, and it could be massive in scale. During season two, the threat to the U.S. was diminished – nearly all of the season was devoted to smaller matters like chasing down individual suspects, with the eventual attack coming more or less out of nowhere. Season three was entirely about individual tension – first with Carrie appearing to be a prisoner of the CIA, then later with the attempt to engineer that internal coup within Iran’s security apparatus. Characters we know were placed in physical jeopardy, or saw their careers placed on the line, but the country was never at risk.

• When the protagonists were facing an inbound threat, we the audience were kept in the dark because the protagonists were in the dark themselves. In season three, with no inbound threat and only the outbound effort to bait, catch, and recruit a critical asset from Iran, the protagonists knew more than the writers could tell the audience, resulting in the massive unreliable-narrator arc at the start of the season but continuing through the next nine episodes. It got to the point where I trusted nothing that I saw; if Brody had done a double twist off that crane and stuck the landing in the season finale it wouldn’t have surprised me. The only way to create the tension the writers wanted was to hide, mislead, and lie. I was okay with it once. I was not okay with a full season of it.

The other fundamental problem with season three, for me, dated back to a problem I had in season one, something that I doubt is universal but started to detract seriously from the viewing experience in season two: I never cared about the relationship between Brody and Carrie. It seemed improbable and forced at the start, and eventually devolved into farce. Carrie becoming pregnant with his baby – really, neither of them thought about birth control? – read like a desperate attempt to infuse life and interest into a relationship that, for me, was nothing but a distraction from the cloak and dagger stuff that made season one click.

I won’t go into all of the plot holes and inconsistencies, as Alan Sepinwall has done that already. I don’t entirely agree with Alan’s sentiment that there shouldn’t have been a second season, but I agree that the way it was handled was less than ideal, and a once-great show has lost its way, to the point where season four is going to have to entice a lot of viewers, myself included, back.

This is pretty much always true, but just in case: Anything is fair game in the comments below, including spoilers and comments on stuff I didn’t mention. I’m curious to hear what others thought about tonight’s episode and the season as a whole.

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→ December 15, 2013
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Top Chef, S11E10.

Catching up on my recent work elsewhere:

I traveled home from Orlando on Thursday, was catching up on life on Friday (although I did at least watch this show), and then spent Saturday being a dad, from getting the Christmas tree to going to see Frozen with my wife and daughter. Je ne regrette rien … but I’m a little sorry this post is late.

* Quickfire: Chef Hubert Keller is there … in a challenge involving Dunkin Donuts coffee, which I’m hoping these chefs think and realize is total shit. Does Keller really drink this garbage? He should be furious that they brought him in to watch the chefs cook with coffee I wouldn’t feed to a goat. The winner gets immunity and $10K, while Stephie Downer gets all mopey about owning “old, broken, sad-looking stuff.” That girl could see death in a double rainbow.

* So the actual challenge involves using that brown swill as a key ingredient in a dish, with the implication that it would be better to go savory, although that didn’t matter in the judging.

* Nick is pairing sockeye salmon with a coffee cardamom sauce, emphasizing the balance between the fatty fish and the sharp coffee (and cardamom) flavors. Balance will be irrelevant when Chef Sensitive Ponytail chokes to death on a pinbone.

* Brian is making a risotto with coffee and andouille sausage, alluding to the Top Chef risotto curse. I’m surprised he doesn’t mention redeye gravy, which is a Southern comfort-food staple where you make a white sausage gravy and add coffee to it. I’ve never had it because what kind of lunatic puts coffee in sausage gravy? Also, maybe there’s a better way to describe taking a risk than saying you want your balls out there swinging. It’s just not a great visual.

* Interesting side note: Nina predicts that Nick will reach the finale. Granted, that’s not huge news at this point, but we don’t generally hear a lot of praise like that on Top Chef.

* The food: Travis also serves sockeye, this one with a coffee ponzu sauce, coffee roasted mushrooms, and hazelnut oil; Carrie does a coffee custard with candied coffee beans and cocoa nibs; Brian serves that risotto with sugar snap peas; Carlos makes a coffee macadamia sponge cake (in just thirty minutes) with a coffee/mascarpone sauce and peaches; Nick makes a roasted sockeye with a hazelnut-coffee-caramel-white chocolate whatever and hon shimeji mushrooms, earning funny looks from the judges and a “there’s a lot of coffee in here” non-compliment from Padma.

* Shirley serves a coffee-crusted tenderloin with a double-blanched garlic puree that symbolizes the cream to the steak rub’s coffee; Stephanie, who got all woe-is-me again during the cooking, does a sweet potato and goat cheese coffee crepe with ham and bacon coffee jam. I don’t think we saw Nina or Justin in this.

* The bottom two were Brian, whose risotto didn’t have much coffee flavor, and Nick, whose coffee-white chocolate paste had an unpleasant texture. Ho hum. The top three were Shirley, Carrie, and Stephanie, with Stephanie and Shirley both getting “surprising” from Keller. The winner, the chef who showed the most creativity was … Shirley? Steak rubbed with coffee is more creative than coffee crepes with sweet potato and goat cheese and bacon-coffee jam? Did we miss something in the dish descriptions? Shirley’s dish may have been delicious, but anyone in America who’s grilled meat with a dry rub on it (worded to avoid a #phrasing tag) has tried coffee in the rub, right?
* Elimination challenge: The guest judge is actor Anthony Mackie, whom I’ve never heard of and don’t recognize. He was in 8 Mile, which I’ve seen, and in two Best Picture winners that I haven’t seen; he also narrated an ESPN 30 for 30 doc, “The Best That Never Was,” on the disappointing career of high school football star Marcus Dupree. Anyway, Mackie is a New Orleans native, and the challenge is for the chefs “to make a dish inspired by what you crave when you go home.” Oh, and they’re serving Leah Chase and some of her family at Dookie Chase. No big deal.
* Justin’s dish is inspired by squirrel he and his brothers used to hunt, but I guess he couldn’t get organic squirrel at Whole Foods.

* Carrie talks about going asparagus hunting with her mom. I didn’t realize asparagus was that hard to catch.

* Nick is making his daughter’s favorite dish, ricotta gnocchi, which appears to be on his menu at Laurel now.

* Carlos is making cochinita pibil in the pressure cooker, as the dish typically takes about six hours. I thought it was generally roasted in a banana leaf, although now I realize I don’t know if that’s to add flavor or just as a vessel to allow it to retain heat.

* Shirley is kneading dough and dicing meat with a cleaver, shaking the entire table. Stephanie is silently plotting to murder Shirley in her sleep that night.

* Travis is making biscuits without buttermilk, which surprises Tom. I’m with Travis for once; I don’t like the flavor of cultured buttermilk, and usually use baking powder instead of baking soda, or use cream of tartar (an acid found on the inside of wine casks) to balance the base of baking soda.

* Brian’s personal story is a legitimate downer: his dad suffered three major strokes a few years ago which left him not talking much. Some of these chefs cry at the drop of a hat; Brian’s dad’s fate is something we all fear for our parents and for ourselves.

* Back at the house, there’s a loose discussion of what three items you’d choose if you had to eat just those things for the rest of your life, which leads Justin to act like a clubhouse lawyer again. There’s an inability to take responsibility with him that grates on me, probably because I was like that when I was younger. Anyway, pizza, ice cream, waffles, bacon, nectarines, bread … don’t make me stop at three.
* Nick gets choked up talking about missing formative years with his kids because he’s always at work. This is why I think people who ask me why I would choose the media over a team job, or assume I’m lying when I say that’s my choice, are stupid. If you choose to prioritize work over family, I won’t judge you, but don’t judge me for going the other way. I’ve been at just about every birthday, holiday, school event, and extracurricular event I needed to be at. I take my daughter to school almost every day when I’m home, I pick her up almost every day when I’m home, we cook together, we read together, and we do all kinds of things together. I know I’m not the perfect father, but I will never have to look at a camera like Nick did and say that I regret spending too little time with my daughter.

* There’s no open grill at Dookie Chase, so Brian has to use the grill pan instead and rely on the marinade (he’s making Korean-marinaded New York strip steaks) for flavor.

* Travis is staring at his biscuits as they’re in the oven, saying how he’s only got one shot, do not miss your chance … sorry. They look good but are close to raw inside. I assumed he cut the butter in too much, although later it emerges that the kitchen was so warm that the butter got too soft before hitting the oven. He ends up splitting the biscuits and pouring gravy over them to try to hide the error, because that trick always works.

* And we’re plating … Carlos’ cochinita pibil comes with black beans and an orange pico de gallo; Brian does the steak and potatoes Korean-style, a NY strip with a potato salad; Travis’ biscuits come with a homemade maple-sage sausage gravy and sour plum jam.

* Everyone notices that the biscuit is raw, so we can already put Travis in the bottom three. They all love the gravy and Mackie likes the gravy and jam together. I could see that – a sour/sweet note with the salty/sweet sausage. Carlos’ is a big hit right down to the fresh corn tortillas. Brian’s has no charcoal flavor and might be a touch too sweet.

* We see Nick losing focus in the kitchen, worrying he won’t plate everything, crying over the sink because … he misses his family? Right then, five minutes before serving? I’m calling BS on this one. That had to be shown out of sequence, right?

* Nick’s dish is ricotta gnudi with crispy pancetta, peas, lemon, and “a lot of” Parmiggiano-Reggiano; Shirley serves Bejing hand-cut noodles, fermented bean and pork sauce, and pickled radishes; Stephanie serves focaccia and mussels with spicy pickled peppers and tomatoes.

* They adore Nick’s pasta, and the pancetta is “nice and crispy.” Anthony says, “I wish I was his daughter!” All righty then. Emeril likes Shirley’s noodles after he added the vinegar from radishes to the pasta itself. Stephanie’s mussels surprise everyone – they usually come with a lot of garlic (Leah pointed this out), while Tom says he’s never had pickled peppers with mussels but loves the combination.

* Justin serves Louisiana rice and chicken thigh gravy, pickled mirliton, and jalapeñ Carrie serves creamed asparagus over (homemade) toast with a poached egg; Nina does, of course, a curried chicken with fried bakes, a very basic fried-dough concoction from Trinidad that uses flour, water, salt, and baking powder.

* Leah’s son says he could “go to town on” Carrie’s dish. Nina’s is good, but Padma and Leah want rice rather than avocado – I don’t think fried bread and curry is a great combination, as you’re putting heavy with heavy. Justin’s is a touch dry but otherwise good. Leah’s daughter says of all nine dishes that they had “nothing outrageously negative to say about anything.”

* Judges’ table: The stories were great and the food was delicious. Tom singles out Carlos and Nina. Padma cites Stephanie, who gets big props for serving pickled peppers with mussels. Anthony enjoyed Carrie’s. Brian gets points for the jus on his steak, Nicholas for his gnocchi/gnudi, and Shirley for her noodles. And that’s all the chefs get before they’re called in.

* Top three: Nick, Stephanie, and Carlos. Padma is telegraphing it as they walk in, as she can barely contain her smile. Nick’s dish, from the sound of it, was perfect; the gnocchi were soft and light, the peas were perfectly cooked, and the pancetta was crispy. Everyone loved Stephanie’s choice to put pickled peppers and tomatoes with mussels as something new and different. Emeril said the mussels were “perfectly, perfectly cooked,” which I’d mock except I use the term “plus-plus” all the time. She also says she smelled every mussel to make sure it was fresh, which is kind of why I don’t usually eat mussels – one bad one can spoil a batch and a weekend. Anthony says Carlos’ was so good he wanted to savor every last bite and held the last bit of tortilla till the last bite off the plate. Nick wins. Anthony says the dish “made me happy as a little girl!”

* Big cheers for Nick when he returns to the stew room, especially from Shirley and Nina. Ladies love a devoted father. Also, have I mentioned lately how important my daughter is to me?

* Bottom three: Travis, Brian, and Justin. It’s not Justin – that’s obvious – and at this point I’d be shocked if it wasn’t Travis going home. Padma admits “we had to move down to the finer nuances of the dishes” to make their decisions. Brian admits he improvised, knowing he was missing an essential element without the flavor of the grill. Tom says nothing was wrong, but it didn’t have the flavor you’re looking for in a grilled steak. Travis says he knew it was too warm in the kitchen to cut the butter into the biscuits but the dish “was close to home.” That’s the one time I could see the judges giving someone a pass on a bad decision – Travis was sticking to the guidelines for the challenge. Justin is getting defensive yet again when questioned about the lack of gravy on the rice. He shouldn’t go home for this, given what we’ve seen, but it would be nice to hear him say, “yes, Chef, I made a mistake,” and then maybe learn from it next time around.

* Tom says that for biscuits, the butter needs to be ice-cold and still in chunks. Anthony says he’s surprised Travis sent them out, so perhaps he’s a fan of the show too.

* Travis goes home. Padma makes her sad face. He was the only one who made a real mistake – there were nine chefs, and eight dishes that were executed correctly. On his way out, he says in the confessional that he can be totally open about who he is now. Good for him. There’s no reason on earth he should have to hide an essential part of his identity.

* Last Chance Kitchen: Louis wins. I found this one of the least interesting episodes of LCK so far.

* Rankings: Nick, Shirley, Carrie, Nina, Justin, Carlos, Stephanie, Brian. I feel strongly about the top three at this point – Nina’s churning out the same kind of food again and again, Justin can’t make in-game adjustments, and Carlos has been stronger lately but uneven overall. Brian seems like the only one who has zero chance (or close to it) to reach the finals.

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