Top Chef, S14E13.

Two links before we get to the recap: I have a new Insider post on how the Mets should handle their rotation, with five of six guys coming off some sort of injury; and I reviewed the boardgame Ulm for Paste.

* I think we got a glimpse of Drunk Shirley in the prelude where she slurred “Let’s dooo this” in the toast. Drunk Shirley is the best Shirley.

* The three remaining chefs are flying from Guadalajara to Riviera Maya, on the east coast of the Yucatan peninsula. They walk into the resort (I think it’s a Secrets location, although I didn’t see an orgy anywhere so maybe not) and Sheldon asks “are we in a Jay Z video man?”

* Why are we seeing so much of the chefs in bathing suits? The shot of the three of them walking into the water, which meant clear shots of Brooke’s and Shirley’s behinds, was kind of inappropriate for a cooking show.

* Their first stop is in Valladolid, a city of about 45K located inland on the Yucatan, a beautiful town with lots of Old World Spanish architecture. It’s named for a city in central Spain that was once the Spanish capital.

* Quickfire: Cook a dish that showcases the habanero. (No tilde, please.) The winner gets a one-week vacation for two at any Secrets resort. Their guest judge is Chef Ricardo Muniz Zurita, who literally wrote the book on Mexican cuisine (in Spanish, of course).

* They have to buy all of their ingredients at an open-air food market in the town center, and it looks like chef heaven, with an unbelievable variety of produce and meat being butchered to order. 13/10, would shop there.

* Sheldon appears to speak no Spanish, which I think would be impossible for a chef cooking in the continental U.S. given how many native speakers typically work in restaurant kitchens. Perhaps that’s not true in Hawai’i, though. Brooke at least speaks quite a bit, although she could stand some work on her accent.

* Sheldon’s looking for queso fresco and somehow can’t find any at the market; I guess it’s possible there wasn’t a vendor selling cheese, but I find that a little hard to believe, since there is cheese in Yucatecan cuisine. He then buys a tamal colado without knowing what it is because he thinks it looks like cheese. (It’s actually a traditional Yucatecan tamale with roasted pork or chicken and an achiote and roasted tomato sauce.

* Shirley says that sometimes to wake herself up in the morning she takes a bite of a habenero. I prefer coffee.

* Brooke can’t get her blender open, briefly at least, which is yet another stupid equipment issue that doesn’t tell us anything about who the best chef is. It’s Top Chef. Maybe we could get the chefs some stuff that works?

* The dishes: Brooke made a roasted pork loin with orange and green habanero salsas, with the green ones in a raw fruit and vegetable salsa with jicama, pineapple, and cucumber … Sheldon made a pan-roasted chayote stuffed with the tamal colado and a roasted habanero/tomato/onion salsa. … Shirley made a masa dumpling with poached egg, habanero, and crispy chicharrones.

* Nobody really did poorly here, although I thought the final order was pretty clear. Sheldon’s was too spicy, and the tamal did nothing for his dish. Brooke ends up the winner. It seemed like her dish showcased the habanero best and was the most balanced overall, and Muniz Zurita didn’t hide that that was his favorite.

* Elimination challenge: Jeremiah Tower is there; he’s a California chef who now lives in the Yucatan, which seems like a pretty good place to retire, actually. He has a new book, Start the Fire: How I Began a Food Revolution in America, coming out on April 4th (that’s a preorder link), as well as a related documentary about him produced by Anthony Bourdain.

* The challenge is to make a dish entirely of local ingredients and cook it over an open flame, with no access to electric devices whatsoever, They get to keep their knives, though. This is way too gimmicky for the semifinal challenge, in my view. Just let them cook.

* The challenge will take place in Playa del Carmen, about halfway between Cancun and Tulum on the Yucatan coast. I don’t know if Mexico’s Tourism board paid for all this airtime, but holy crow, I want to go there immediately.

* The three chefs get a tour (from Muniz Zurita and Tower) of some traditional Mayan instruments and ingredients, like a metate, a molcajete (which they called a tamul) mortar and pestle, and the giant herb hoja santa (also called yerba santa, so “holy leaf” or “holy herb,” although if you listen to a lot of hip-hop you might think “holy herb” means a totally different plant).

* When they get to the site of the challenge and see the array of ingredients, there are no alliums and no citrus. The three of them seem like they’re collaborating to try to get their heads around the pantry, given the handicap of lacking any traditional aromatics. I also didn’t see any proteins other than fish; all three chefs end up cooking fish, at least.

* Sheldon is burying sweet potatoes in the coals of the pit, burning the outside, and then scooping out the centers to make a mash. It’s a brilliant method of cooking them without needing too much time.

* Brooke tests one fish fillet on the grill to see if the skin will stick to the grates because she doesn’t think the coals are hot enough. (There’s no open flame, actually, just glowing coals.) She says she’s just “trying to build layers of flavor with no actual dish in (her) head.” Meanwhile, the fish did stick, so she ends up wrapping the fish fillets in hoja santa leaves to grill them safely.

* Sheldon is grilling the fish whole, but never tests the grill like Brooke did … and it sticks. At this moment, I was sure Sheldon was going home. You can’t fuck up a protein, serve it to Tom Colicchio, and think you’re sticking around. But what a lousy way to go – it’s not like Sheldon screwed up the fish while cooking on a plancha or in a skillet. Making a mistake in an unfamiliar environment is just normal.

* I watched this episode with my wife and one of our friends from the bus stop (another mom), and they both commented on Padma’s cleavage before I said a word. So, Padma’s cleavage. How about that.

* Brooke serves first. She did steamed yellow snapper with bean and corn ragout, jicama and papaya relish, and fresh avocado. The sweet salsa (relish) consisted of “lots of stuff.” She used tomatillo juice to try to add some acidity to the two sides, since there was no citrus available. The snapper is perfectly cooked; the judges disagree on the salsas, although Tom says they complemented each other, and we know his vote is the one that counts. The one criticism seems to be that the dish doesn’t have huge flavors, but it’s fish. If you overpower it with big flavors, they’ll ding you for overshadowing the main ingredient.

* Sheldon serves what is basically shredded snapper with annatto crab sauce, Yucatan vegetables, and a habanero salsa on the side. One of the diners thought the hot salsa was too hot, and the sauce in the middle tastes completely of crab, although another diner – they’re all star Mexican chefs – thought that the technique of using masa to thicken the sauce was smart.

* Shirley made steamed grouper, crustacean and roasted habanero-tomato sauce, and dragonfruit and corn salad, along with shrimp salt sprinkled over the top. She chose grouper because she wanted a fatty fish that could stay moist over the direct heat. Tower says “that girl can cook,” and that it says “I know what I was doing at the beginning and then I did it.” Tom praises her for editing.

* Shirley wins, with Graham saying it was “the most composed of the three.” (It certainly looked the prettiest.) Hers was the only dish that didn’t get any criticism from the eight people at the table.

* What happened next seemed a little contrived to me. Sheldon totally blew the fish, unfortunately, and the hot salsa and the crab sauce blew out the diners’ palettes. Brooke’s dish was a little mild or “timid,” and Tom said it was overly complicated with too much going on. How the judges could present this as a very close decision is beyond me; the criticisms of Brooke’s dish may have been entirely valid but they’re hardly equivalent to the criticisms of Sheldon’s. If you botch your protein, you go home.

* And Sheldon is indeed eliminated. I’m sad to see him go, because he’s talented and funny and has definitely become a different person since the last time we saw him (in a good way), but this was the only decision that would have made sense given what else we were told about everyone’s dishes. That leaves Brooke and Shirley in the finals, and I’ll say Brooke is the 3:2 favorite.

* Unrelated to this episode, but while looking into Jeremiah Tower, I saw he co-authored a short book called Table Manners: How to Behave in the Modern World and Why Bother, which came out in October. The title makes it seem dated and fussy, but the descriptions afterwards actually seem kind of modern and relevant. Have any of you read it? I’m hardly the lost son of Judith Martin when it comes to table etiquette, but I’m intrigued by this.

Comments

  1. Agree that they edited around the clear choice of Brooke over Sheldon. As much as I haven’t been a fan of Brooke’s personality in the back half of the season, her performance here was better – Sheldon’s fish was jacked up, and if his salsa was blowing out the palates of everyone except maybe Padma (who seems to have been a clear Sheldon partisan, based perhaps on personality), including a bunch of Mexican chefs, that’s another major problem.

    On the subject of what meats were available, I noticed that, too. As far as I know, the only domesticated animals in Mexico before contact with Europe were dogs (there were guinea pigs down in Inka territory, but I don’t think they were available in North America) – I don’t know if the pre-Columbian Mayans ate dog at all, but if they did, it’s pretty clear why Top Chef would’ve been hesitant to provide dog meat. I think this points to the larger problem with this challenge, which you highlighted: to limit the chefs to both pre-Columbian ingredients and tools is just too far away from what they’re used to. It’s especially odd because there is a contemporary Mayan cuisine that involves Columbian Exchange items like pork, citrus, and alliums. Just let them use them. Overall, if I had to choose between getting rid of one of the two limitations, I would probably choose the equipment. At least let them cook these weird ingredients in ways they’re familiar with.

    • Turkey was the most widely available pre-Colombian meat. However, the indigenous peoples of Mexico would have also eaten iguana, turtle (specifically the eggs) and many types of beans.

    • Ah, yes, turkey, of course! And reptiles. Thanks!

  2. I usually watch Top Chef but this is actually the first episode I watched this season.

    Did Padma botch a Botox injection in her eyes or something? I’ve never seen anyone’s eyes look like that unless they were a psychotic clown about to kill and eat your innards.

    I really wish women in Hollywood were OK with growing older rather than try to look 20 when they are 50.

  3. I went to a panel discussion this week on the University of Georgia campus that featured Hugh as moderator and Tom among the panelists, called “Food, Culture, and Community”. It was intermittently interesting if a bit unfocused (as the title would suggest). The subject of school breakfast and lunch was the most fruitfully discussed — I did not know about the move to allow needy students to eat breakfast in first period, for instance. And the history of federal farm bill subsidies was explored some (what gets subsidized now is largely a product of research between WWI and WWII to determine what substances could be delivered with maximum efficiency to troops in a land war). There was much consternation about federal policies coming down the pike (Hugh being the most colorful in his invective, of course), with the attendant suggestion that food experts explore running for office.

    https://willson.uga.edu/news/panel-on-food-culture-and-community-brings-top-chefs-for-global-georgia/

  4. Yeah, Cancun and Valladolid are just that beautiful. My wife and I went to Cancun in 2015 (not on the main strip, but on a quieter stretch of beach north of Cancun) and took a tour to Chichen Itza and Valladolid one day, though I kind of wish I went to the garden where Tower and Zurida showed them the Mayan cookware. Without the breezes coming off the sea, it was a lot hotter and more humid than the coast. If you ever seriously consider going there, email me and I can give you more information.

    To me, the ending seemed like creating false drama for television. Sheldon’s fish seemed to be particularly poor for this stage of the competition.

  5. My wife and I routinely debate the gimmicks of the show. I side with your view, Keith. I would prefer watching great chefs cook great food with great facilities.

    BUT my wife is from a developing country and very much enjoys challenges where they have to be “resourceful” (she enjoys shows like Chopped even though the level of competition is questionable).

    Maybe not for a semifinal, but I am warming to watching their ability to adapt from scratch. Shirley won before the challenge even started, as she came in looking at what *was* there, as opposed to what should have been (aromatics, citrus). Just another perspective.

    • Well said, re: Shirley’s plan, I agree 100%. I’ll also add my voice to those saying this was too gimmicky for the final elimination challenge. Save gimmicks for quick fires and early-season.

  6. * I think the judges should have focused on the food presented not the remains on the grill. OK, change that to Tom. It may not have ultimately made a difference but it seemed like Tom’s decision was influenced by that more than it should have been. It’s not like they inspect the kitchen before judging every elimination challenge. Soup spilled on stove – you’re out!

    * Cleavage OK on Top Chef but no butt cheeks?! lol We certainly did see evidence of Padma’s end of season weight gain that she always talks about…the voluptuous Padma.

    * Love the preview of next week where Shirley doesn’t share her pork belly with Brooke. She’s in it to win!

  7. I’m more than okay with the ingredient restriction part of the challenge, but I definitely dislike the tool restrictions. Just senseless. Brooke def thought it through more, so she deserved to go on, but I’d rather the challenge had more to do with how they approached the cuisine than figuring out some random open fire method of cooking.

    I’m okay with any ingredient restriction challenges as long as the ingredients are real (like none of that vending machine garbage they’ve done in the past, or the infamous dig your ingredients out of an ice block). I almost ALWAYS hate challenges that restrict the chefs tools though. Whether its season 6 where the chefs are plugging electric woks into random outlets (and blowing fuses) or some of the insane grill challenges that have come out, give these people reasonable tools and and workstations at bare minimum.

  8. In case someone from the show reads this post (since this is the premier Top Chef review), that the elimination challenge was too much of a gimmick for the semifinals. And it was pretty obvious they were trying to create drama with the discussion regarding Brooke and Sheldon. The show would have lost all credibility had they advanced a chef to the finals after botching a protein like that.

    That said, I am looking forward to the finals. Assuming no more gimmicks, Brooke is the heavy favorite. However, I think whoever wins will be a better choice than Jeremy last season. No matter what, we will have a worthy champion.

  9. Didn’t mind the beach shots. They always linger over the personal growth of the remaining contestants this time of the season, which is how I took that montage. I didn’t think the shots of the girls were any more leering than the shots of Sheldon in swimming trunks (to say nothing of Padma’s cleavage, which really was something else; my wife also commented on that before I did). And there were just as many gorgeous shots of turtles and sea life as there were of the contestants.

    Agree that the end was contrived to look more suspenseful than it really was.

  10. Teresa M Bucoff

    Not just Padma’s cleavage, but nipples too. One would think Cancun is warm.

    I must be the only one who can’t stand Shirley…just such a fake personality (I remember her description if her dish in episode 1 “a big bowl of hug.” Barf!)

  11. Teresa M Bucoff

    Also, yes, obv too contrived elimination challenge for a semi-final.

    But also just the most boring episode of the season…I fast forwarded through the silly ‘look at the Mayan tools’ tour.

  12. I’m not cheering for either Shirley or Brooke in the finale based upon the season and my own personal experience with their food. Make that a “taste” of their food.

    Brooke participated in the reception after a TV Academy Top Chef event. She was there along with her husband. That I remember but no memory whatsoever of what she prepared.

    Shirley had a booth at a charity event and served the strongest fish I’ve ever tasted. Hated it! Nyesha (remember her?) was also there and served one of the yummiest bites of food at the entire event.

  13. Steve Curry

    The swimming shots were definitely awkward and unprofessional — made me wonder if they at least asked permission, or better yet, gave the contestants a chance to review/approve the editing before airing it.

    (Probably not)